8 Terrible Cards You Should Never Give a Pregnant Woman

LOL 10

We've talked about some of the things you should never say to a pregnant woman ("Are you sure it isn't twins?") or do to a pregnant woman (touch her belly without asking). But I'm not sure if we've covered the Hallmark pregnancy etiquette territory before.

This is important stuff, you guys, because while it's surely a nice gesture to send a card as a formal congratulations to your knocked-up friend, there are SO MANY WAYS it can go wrong.

A card can say many things -- I'm thinking of you, I'm happy for you, I'm thrilled to hear your news -- but it can also say things like "I like to imagine you having sex" or "you sure are putting on the pounds." Check out these 8 examples of cards you should never, ever send to any pregnant woman, unless you secretly hate her:




Congratulations on growing a new life form, or, like, forgetting your pill. Whatever. Slut. 

Enjoy your pregnancy! Here's a picture of one of the 80 million things people will judge you for eating.

123 Greetings
Yeah, Mommy. After the "li'l" one comes, life as you know it is going straight in the shitter. It's pretty much going to be like Guantanamo Bay, only worse. Anyway, take care! DON'T FORGET TO RELAX.

Le Bon Bon
Congratulations on your happy news! For a good time, try comparing your body to this drawing.

Anal! Just kidding, we know it wasn't anal. Not this time, anyway. Tee-hee!

Happy Mystical Water Lily Sperm Fairies day!

Vintage Script Press
Please accept my respectful, heartfelt congratulations on what is sure to be a magical and spiritual journey towards an amazing new stage in your life. PS: This is totally how I picture the moment of conception.

You know that eating for two thing is a myth, right? No, but really, you look great.

Did you ever get a tacky card when you were pregnant?



To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar NoWay

Aw, come-on ... people seriously lack a sense of humor these days. I thought most of those were funny!

Raechelle Barber

i agree with noway! if you can't laugh, you are going to have one rough road ahead of you. and who gives cards for getting knocked up? i thought that was the weirdest parts of the articles. it happens all the time, mostly to undeserving folk. but i guess we have to exploit everything these days for money and gifts...

nonmember avatar Lindsay

I'm with you, Linda! I would be so embarassed if I got some of these cards, and the ones that aren't embarassing are definitely a bit strange. (Mystical Water Lily Sperm made me laugh, though. :)

Jespren Jespren

I think it depends upon whose giving and everyone's sense of humor. My grandma and her sisters have a habit, a family joke, of sending the most tackless, rude, and/or lewd cards they can find each other for birthdays (to the point where at family birthday parties Grandma frequently wouldn't pass the card from her sisters around for the rest of us to see like the other cards). I have friends who would find several of those funny.

Saerise Saerise

Time to lighten up! 

nonmember avatar MO Mom


Mrscj... Mrscjones

Most of those was hilarious.

Waag Waag

These are funny and yep I'm 8 months pregnant. People need to get a sense of humor

corri... corrinacs

I'm with you NoWay!  I would totally give people (close friends/family) cards like that HAHAH!

Myrtl... MyrtleMae79

I would never give a card like one of these unless I knew the person well enough to be sure that they'd find it amusing. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor.  I think the article is aimed at people giving cards to people that they don't know quite as well (like some of their co-workers, for example) but still have enough of a relationship with that they want to acknowledge the pregnancy. But the same principle applies to almost any card-giving situation.

1-10 of 10 comments