Every pregnant woman has been there -- the stranger who touches your belly, the weirdo in the locker room who stares at your naked form a little too long, the man who tells you soft cheeses are verboten. We all have had that moment during our pregnancies where not only are our bodies suddenly hijacked by a baby, they are also now open for public judgment and scorn.
No one knows this better than a pregnant woman in Washington who accused 24-year-old Justin Dain Palmer of pulling a gun on her after he screamed at her for smoking while pregnant. He denies that he pulled a gun, but not that he confronted her, saying: "Who the heck smokes when they're pregnant?"
It's a good question, to be sure. Smoking during pregnancy is not all that bright. But it's also something else: none of his damn business. Oh yeah. I went there.
Unless a pregnant woman is actively stabbing herself about the midsection in broad daylight, then whether she eats brie or cold cuts or chooses to smoke or have a drink or two is NONE of anyone's business. Judge all you want. But do it silently. It's her baby. It's her body.
Look, I can't defend smoking while pregnant and Lord knows I was a stickler about every little thing that went into my body both times I was pregnant. But I also know that pregnancy is hard on a woman, and if smoking is something she can't quit, well then, it's not really my place to yell and scream at her.
Parenting is so much about other people's opinions sometimes. I can't stand when someone looks at me funny or makes a comment about my "cold" daughter when it's 50 degrees and she is in short sleeves.
Would it make a difference to know that my daughter happens to run extremely hot and never wants a jacket? What about if I told you one of my main parenting philosophies is to let my children dictate their own bodies? If they're warm, I'm not going to force them into a jacket. That is a battle not worth having, especially when it would only be for appearances.
I realize it isn't the same thing as smoking while pregnant. And I realize a pregnant woman's body isn't completely her own and the baby can't speak for him or herself. But even still. It isn't the place of a person who knows nothing about a pregnant woman's back story to step in and say anything.
This is especially true of men. Guess how much I care what a man who will never be pregnant thinks about how I am as a pregnant woman? Yep. That much.
Do you think people have the right to confront a pregnant woman?
Image via west.m/Flickr
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Comments 79
pulling a gun on someone is a little crazy but he obviously didn't have any intention on shooting her and therefore hurting the baby..she knows how much it hurts her baby when she smokes and doesnt give a damn about it. it disgusts me when pregnant women do that. I have 3 beautiful kids, a 9 year old little girl and 2 baby boys under 2 and I would never even think of doing something so awful to them. It's so wrong. I imagine that poor baby in that little space encircled by smoke that their mother just had to breathe in, knowing full well that her baby is in her body. It's sickening and I have no sympathy for her. Every time I see someone do this I want to tell them how disgusting they are but I don't...but I disagree that it's not our business. I feel it's child abuse.
Not that I agree with pulling a gun or yelling at a pregnant woman (I just gave birth 2 weeks ago to our 2nd son), but smoking while pregnant causes damage to the fetus...its just as bad as drinking while pregnant. If a pregnant woman is going to smoke, drink, etc. she can't expect everyone to ignore such behavior when its bad for the child. I also agree that its not their business but they may be watching out for the woman and child/children.
Although it hasn't been used lately SC has laws allowing a pregnant woman to be arrested if a police officer deems that she is doing something that could be injurious to the fetus. That includes wearing high heels, putting salt on her food and driving in the last trimester. Totally subjective and at the whim of the officer.