Ann Romney’s revelation on how a miscarriage devestated her youngest child is apparently shedding light on the impact such a loss can have on the entire family. But anyone who has ever had the misfortune of having a miscarriage knows all too well the devastating impact that the loss has on every single person in that family. I certainly didn't need Ann Romney to help me figure that one out. I know from my own experience.
I find it kind of condescending that just because someone famous says this, its suddenly a revelation. Is this loss supposed to make the Romney family more relatable? I'm sorry for the Romney family's loss because I know how world shattering it truly is but how is this relevant in casual conversation or interview?
Explaining our miscarriage to our little girls was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do in my life. My children had been begging for a little brother or sister for years. When we found out we were pregnant, it was supposed to be a surprise revealed at my youngest daughter's 5th birthday party. I lost our baby 3 weeks before we were going to tell everyone in the family.
We had to tell our children that we miscarried because I had to have a D & E and my Mother-in-law was going to have to watch them while I went to the hospital. I still wasn’t convinced that I wanted to tell them but my husband felt it was best to tell them or they would keep harassing me for a sibling, only adding salt to the already gaping wound of the loss. I knew he was right. But I didn’t want to be the one who told them. I felt like I was already the one who had failed them.
It's devastating to have to tell your children that you almost gave them what they wanted but you lost it. I was sad about the baby and felt like a failure to the other two. I was suffocating from the heaviness in the air. I was enveloped by my own pain it was almost impossible for me to help my daughters deal with their grief so I let my husband handle the bulk of it.
I hugged them and kissed them and let them know they could ask me anything (even though my youngest was breaking my heart on a daily basis). I remember as I lay in bed cuddled closely with my girls, my 5-year-old lay in bed crying, kissing my stomach and asking me why I hadn’t told her about the baby sooner because then maybe she could have loved the baby more and the baby would have lived. What could I do but stifle my own tears and hold her tight?
Or the morning of my surgery, as I was trying to stay composed before heading out to the hospital for my D & E, my 5 –year-old kissed me through sobs and begged me to get a photo of her baby then she kissed my belly and whispered to her baby brother or sister inside me, “Goodbye, I love you.” I won’t lie. These simple sweet gestures of hers were enough to almost kill me in my fragile state. I think my heart shattered into a million pieces a thousand times over in those first few days. I just wanted to be numb to it all.
Through all this, I wasn't as involved in making sure my kids were okay as I feel now like I should have been. But when you're going through a miscarriage, it's hard to see past your own pain and so it was hard for me to try to make someone else feel better. I tried my best to comfort my children, but my whole world was falling apart.
I don’t need Anne Romney to tell me that. I found this all out on my own, the hard way.
Image via Jingkay 2008 /Flickr
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Comments 169
Wow. Where do you get off criticizing her for talking about losing her baby. She is a person of interest and she has a platform. Perhaps she will reach out with her honesty and touch one young mother that has lost a baby, or one mother like me that lost my first one at two days old.
You never get over the loss of the one, but I share my story when fitting, and right now, she is trying to let us know her because her husband is running for President and people are complaining that they keep their lives too private. She is trying to share her story because she might be the first lady one day. Get over yourself. Her loss is just as important as yours or mine.
I can't believe that you can just say such a hateful thing just because you might have your ducks in a row and are handling your loss, for which I am sorry for and feel your pain, but it doesn't mean that all the other people who have lost babies have!! A lot of people don't get an opportunity to talk to someone or hear of someone in that same situation. A lot times, it is a person in the spotlight that touches someone like that, so shut up.
Mrs. Romney lost her child. She was sharing her experience. You might share your experience but do you have to relate hate in the process. You could have followed up her comments with your own touching story about your loss, but instead you have to demean her. It's just sad.
Jalazz....and Deborah...the reason she brought it up is because of all the flack in the media about how people are complaining and accusing them because they have not shared enough personal information about themselves....and were too private. What do you want them to do? Keep their lives private or share their most private moments? You can't have it both ways.
I think this is really what its come to at this point....very sad. Anyone watch The Newsroom on hbo? This reminds me of a line from that show. The episode about reality tv, and the woman is trying to justify her interest in real housewives of NJ. She states its a "guilty pleasure" - his comeback is priceless. "The chocolate souffle on this menu is a guilty pleasure, the Archies singing Sugar Sugar is a guilty pleasure - human cock-fighting just makes us mean and desensitized"
I see us as the Hatfield's and McCoys. We've hated each other for so long that the reasons why don't even matter any more. Deborah, I'm not trying to call you out personally. This is just a prime example of how partisans have a knee-jerk reaction of disagreement. You just said the same exact thing as Ann Romney. The SAME EXACT THING. How can you then logically try to say that she's done something wrong?
I happen to believe that the parties agree on plenty of issues, and they don't even realize it. Welfare is important and should be sustainable---both parties feel that way. Abortion should be rare, and safe---both parties feel that way. We agree so much more than we disagree. We have to get over the hatred reflex that indulges some kind of primal need to be a part of a group, reinforced by tauting a common enemy.
@jafe...ann romney didn't discuss this in a counseling session or on the road at any time in the campaign until now when they realize they are losing the womens vote...suddenly the wife of the hopeful next pres. wants to talk about a tragedy to the whole world and see...my husband is human now, his wife miscarries babies like everyone else out there, vote for him.
...and I've always voted republican but I just don't like the Romneys at all, his personality somehow disturbs me and his stance on certain issues is way too extreme.
As a woman it hurt her Katy. I'm not talking anything political. If you can't see that, I'm sorry for you. It hurther no less that it hurts anyone else.
PS. How do you know she didn't seek counseling?