10 Ways Childbirth Is Just Like Going Number 2

LOL 76

woman in labor with husbandIf someone told me that having a baby was going to be a lot like going number two, I wouldn't have been as freaked out and nervous about the whole thing. Going poop is a daily occurrence for the lucky ones; even the more constipated sisters out there usually visit the potty for a little me-time a few times a week. Our bodies naturally poo. Most times. We're not going to talk about the laxatives and enemas and stuffing your face with prunes. Cringe. We will talk about the good times/potty times, and since you already know how to do that, your body knows how to get a baby out.

Generally, if you can poo, you can birth. It's that simple. But if you want 10 ways I think childbirth is just like going number two, then make sure the toilet paper roll is full and hanging the right way for luck, and read on.

  1. You have to push. But not push push violently. But push. In a different way. How your body wants it to. A natural push. Not an oh my gosh I'm absolutely going to make a hemorrhoid push. Okay sometimes you have to do that, too. For both.
  2. You will only do it in front of people you love.
  3. Sometimes if you relax between pushes, nature takes over and things progress faster.
  4. Meditation works wonders.
  5. Holding onto things when trying to work poop or baby out also works wonder.
  6. You know when you have thunder stomach and you get sweaty and then cold and your body wants to curl up in a ball but you can't because you have some business to take care of in the form of sitting on a porcelain throne to get the number two out? Labor can be like that.
  7. Both are much easier to do while sitting than lying flat on your back.
  8. Sometimes pooping and baby having are two acts that happen at the same time.
  9. You'll think whatever it is that is trying to come out of you is in no way going to fit through the hole it's supposed to fit through, but somehow it does.
  10. After it's over, you let out a huge breath and feel amazing.

Does this calm your nerves about having a baby? Do you agree?

 

Image via futurestreet/Flickr

delivery, labor, labor & delivery

76 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

WCURi... WCURiverRat

This article was hilarious! I don't have kids yet or plan on it anytime soon, but I have friends who do and would agree this article is funny! Have a sense of humor and quit taking life so seriously!

Jscot... Jscott1216

I do have a sense of humor thank you with no need to prove it to someone I don't know who obviously doesn't have te type of sense of humor I would want in my life. I don't care that you don't like my opinion, if you don't like it don't read it. It was a stupid article and I wish I hadn't wasted time reading it.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

So true. My son asked me just this morning what having a baby felt like and I said it was kinda like having a giant poop. My husband told me not to be disgusting. I was talking about childbirth, how can you do that without being disgusting?

Caera Caera

So freaking gross.

nonmember avatar Guest

And jscott, if you don't like it don't troll the comments. Get the pole out of your ass.

nonmember avatar kyra

Jscott, are you 16? It was evident by the article's title what the article would be about. If you thought it was so disgusting and such a waste of time, why did you read it all AND take the time to comment......twice? Loved the article and found it quite funny. Then again, I'm not 16.....or uptight.

Betwe... BetweenCourses

Ha ha ha.... True very very true

jalaz77 jalaz77

This is funny cause I literally just told my 6 y/o dd this today. She knew my middle baby was a c/s, she said something was wrong with him so he needed to be cut out, I said yes so she said how is this baby coming out (meaning baby #4), I said through my privates and she said, oh gross mom. I told her it was like taking a poo....she just stared at me. Either way she says she will rub my back druring labor : ) yay support system in check!

nonmember avatar preggersagain

sounds like someone needs to take a giant dump right now!

1-10 of 76 comments 12345 Last