10 Ways Childbirth Is Just Like Going Number 2

woman in labor with husbandIf someone told me that having a baby was going to be a lot like going number two, I wouldn't have been as freaked out and nervous about the whole thing. Going poop is a daily occurrence for the lucky ones; even the more constipated sisters out there usually visit the potty for a little me-time a few times a week. Our bodies naturally poo. Most times. We're not going to talk about the laxatives and enemas and stuffing your face with prunes. Cringe. We will talk about the good times/potty times, and since you already know how to do that, your body knows how to get a baby out.

Generally, if you can poo, you can birth. It's that simple. But if you want 10 ways I think childbirth is just like going number two, then make sure the toilet paper roll is full and hanging the right way for luck, and read on.

  1. You have to push. But not push push violently. But push. In a different way. How your body wants it to. A natural push. Not an oh my gosh I'm absolutely going to make a hemorrhoid push. Okay sometimes you have to do that, too. For both.
  2. You will only do it in front of people you love.
  3. Sometimes if you relax between pushes, nature takes over and things progress faster.
  4. Meditation works wonders.
  5. Holding onto things when trying to work poop or baby out also works wonder.
  6. You know when you have thunder stomach and you get sweaty and then cold and your body wants to curl up in a ball but you can't because you have some business to take care of in the form of sitting on a porcelain throne to get the number two out? Labor can be like that.
  7. Both are much easier to do while sitting than lying flat on your back.
  8. Sometimes pooping and baby having are two acts that happen at the same time.
  9. You'll think whatever it is that is trying to come out of you is in no way going to fit through the hole it's supposed to fit through, but somehow it does.
  10. After it's over, you let out a huge breath and feel amazing.

Does this calm your nerves about having a baby? Do you agree?


Image via futurestreet/Flickr

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