Mom-to-Be Doesn't Want Husband at Birth

Say What!? 72

delivery roomThere are people I definitely didn't want in the delivery room with me when I was having my babies. My dad. My mother-in-law. Friends. Exes. You get the idea. In fact, the only person I wanted there was my husband. I needed him for support. I wanted him to be the first to see our babies. I needed him to make sure I stayed focused. I wanted him to experience the birth as much as he could. But some women don't want their husband there at all.

An anonymous mom doesn't want her husband at the birth of their second child because she said the first time he was "useless." Now you know why she wants to remain anonymous.

This mama, however, also said that he "didn't do anything I had asked him to do prior to labor, sat in a chair, and basically gawked awkwardly at the painful experience." She shared that it made her more nervous and upset to have him there. She would rather have a doula there for support and have hubby see baby once born. Kind of like what they did in the olden days.

The advice columnist Carolyn Hax told this one to hire the doula regardless. I couldn't agree more. A doula is there to empower and help dad, too, so maybe this time he will take it all more seriously and be able to be there as his wife needs him. Hax also suggested they should talk it out ... gently. No need to have the dad's feelings hurt. Maybe he genuinely didn't know he was being "useless." The biggest thing I'm worried about is if telling the dad that she doesn't want him there makes him really upset. Could cause some strife in the house -- definitely not something a mom-to-be needs or even the dad for that matter during what should be a happy time in their lives.

My advice? Hire the doula and talk to her about how she wants her husband to be a better birth partner. Get him the book The Birth Parnter by Penny Simkin. Going into it with an open heart and mind, and put the past in the past. I'm sure a lot has changed in him since the first baby. And maybe he will surprise you. Good luck -- no matter how it turns out.

What advice would you give this mom-to-be about her "useless" husband in the delivery room? Who do you want in the delivery room with you?


Image via koadmunkee/Flickr

delivery, labor & delivery, fathers