Yesterday, a pregnant friend of mine got very irate on Facebook that men and women do not, as a rule, get up and offer her their seats. I made the mistake of joking, “Well, you chose to get pregnant.” Er. She didn’t take that kindly. You would have thought I’d said, “You chose to smack your head against a brick wall.” My dear, that was not meant as an insult.
Here are 6 reasons why people may not offer a pregnant woman their seat.
1. People who look as if they are lazily reclining in the seat YOU should be in may have legitmate issues that prevent them from standing comfortably too. That strapping young guy? Maybe he has a heart problem. That young lean-looking woman? Maybe she’s been cleaning toilets in building offices since 3 a.m. and is exhausted. Not every handicap is visible and not every person sitting is doing so because they could just as easily stand. Non-pregnant people get bone-tired too.
2. I realize that you are aware at all times of your pregnancy but, believe it or no, no one else is paying much attention to it. If someone didn’t offer you a seat, there’s a pretty good chance she or he just didn’t notice your pregnancy. Maybe she's reading a book, or studying, or engrossed in her thoughts. Maybe she has a family member who is sick, or she just got laid off, and maybe she's thinking about things other than your unborn child. It happens.
3. The first time you assume a woman is pregnant and ask about a due date or congratulate her and she gives you a horrified look and you realize she’s not pregnant, believe me, that is the day you develop a crippling aversion to making the assumption that everyone with a big, round belly is pregnant.
4. You did indeed choose to become pregnant (presumably). You must have known that this could mean occasional discomfort and inconvenience. If not, I pity you in the delivery room.
5. Not all pregnant women want to sit down, and after you get a bunch of declines, you may stop prioritizing an offer, or even think about it. It’s sort of like the time you offer a homeless guy food, and he declines it. The next time you see a homeless guy, you might not offer him food, even though this guy would take it. Make sense?
6. Those of us who have never been pregnant or not known anyone who was pregnant -- and this can be a lot of people in their 20s or early 30s -- genuinely don't realize that being pregnant can make standing uncomfortable. We see Amy Poehler rapping on Saturday Night Live when she looks ready to burst with baby, and think that's the norm. Sometimes our seat hogging is genuine ignorance, not willfull rudeness.
Here's some advice: If you’re a pregnant woman who wants to sit and no one is hopping up, instead of stewing silently (or on Facebook) about it, try saying, “Hi, I’m pregnant and really uncomfortable right now. Would you mind giving up your seat?” If the person declines, you at least get the satisfaction of giving him or her a withering look.
Do you always offer a pregnant woman your seat? If you're pregnant and want to sit, do you ask?
Image via spaceodissey/ Flickr
Ashley Is a Widow Who Stays Strong...
This Hot Dad Wants to Vacuum Your Rug
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
KStew Refuses to Shower
Comments 144
Daniel is the exact reason society is going downhill "Pregnant dope"? Oh please little boy grow up yourself and get out of your guitar hero phase. Little boys need to be taught common courtousy in this day of age. Standing up and giving up your seat for that "pregnant dope"(you put it that way not me) who probably just got done working an 8-12 hour shift(welcome to my world) has anemia, low blood sugar and a baby sitting on her sciatic nerve(yet again welcome to MY world) isnt that terrible or "self loathing(where the fuck did you get that one from, shows how immature you are yet again).
Oh Yea Please Stop Capitalizing Every Word You Write It Looks Retarded! Dope.
If you offer, offer twice. Many 'too proud' people will politely decline on the first attempt, whether they need to sit or not.
Unless you have a small child on your lap, are elderly, or have a medical problem then there is no excuse for not giving up your seat. If that pregnant woman fell she and the baby could be injured. Only a moron has no idea as to how uncomfortable women are during pregnancy. The reason that people don't get up and offer their seat is a general lack of courtesy, decency and manners. We have a society of truly obnoxious and selfish people.
I've never been in a position like that - I've never taken public transportation while pregnant.
As for the seat, my S.O. offers his seat to any elderly person, male or female, women with young kids, women in general, anyone who looks tired... the list goes on. He'll do this at restaurants while we're waiting, doctor offices, the pharmacy, the Mall, you name it. Now if you come in with withering looks & a chip on your shoulder it's a different story, you get to stand.