Getting Pregnant Before Marriage Shouldn't Be a Big Deal

Mom Moment 30

pregnant bellySingle moms don't get enough respect. There are whispers and assumptions and far too much talk about a woman who has a child before marriage -- even when she is with the father of the child. Most of us have sex before we get married. Is it really that big of a deal if a woman decides to have a baby should she get pregnant before saying "I do"? Her life, her choice (along with the daddy).

A new report shows that more people are having kids before marriage -- so hopefully people change their views. And this has nothing to do with the teen pregnancy rate, which has actually decreased. The group that shows a jump in having a baby is couples that live together but haven't tied the knot. Just like Brad and Angie. Only without the fame and fortune, which apparently is necessary to avoid scorn.

I get it. I do. My own mother made it clear she thought I should be married before I had kids. And ultimately that's how it worked out for me, but if I had gotten pregnant before my now-husband and I walked down the aisle, we would have had that baby (or babies, we ended up having twins). And I know my mom would have loved the babies just the same. (She probably would have pressured us to tie the knot soon after though.)

The study showed that first births for unwed parents between the ages of 15 and 44 rose from 12 percent in 2002 to 22 percent. More couples are living together before marriage and pregnancy is more likely to happen.

Still nothing like a baby out of wedlock to get people all riled up. Maybe some are too rooted in tradition or worry about the stability of un-marrieds. I'm not sure why some people think that just because two people are married that means they will stay married, and they must be the most stable people ever. 

Things have changed since "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage" -- and people's mindsets need to change along with it.

Was it important for you to be married before you had a baby? Do you think it matters?

 

Image via Joe Shalabotnik/Flickr

fathers, motherhood, marriage

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Punky... Punkylu78

Nope. We have four kids together and still are not married. We are planning on getting married the end of the year but I would be completely fine never getting married too.

cocob... cocobeannns

I don't believe in couples having to be married to have children. Just because you aren't doesn't mean they won't be raised in a healthy, happy home.

coffe... coffee.crisp

Nope and nope. What a small-minded attitude.

nonmember avatar blh

I have a child and I'm not married, and I know plenty of unmarried people with kids, so I dont think its the WORST thing ever. But I will be married before I have another kid. I should've waited until I was older too. And kids do way better when their parents are in a stable relationship.

Scarl... Scarlette12

I guess it depends on the person if they want to be married or never want to be married but want kids. For me, it doesn't matter if you are married or not as long you raise the child in a loving environment. My case is that I am a single mom and I have never been married, I would love too one day with the right person. I am just as happy single and taking care of a baby I so dearly love.. She is my world... (: And it shouldn't be a big issues for everyone, judge yourself and not the others around you. I have seen a comment on a picture of a mother who is nursing her baby in her wedding gown and some woman commented she should of got married before having a baby, people are too judgemental these days. 


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Kritika Kritika

I think it depends on the situation. There are two scenarios:


1. Couple agrees they don't like the idea of paper commitment, the ceremony, they wanna rebel from the norm and are do not want to - not they're ok with it, not settleing for it - they do not plan on getting married but will be household partners and have children, etc. There is an agreeance and plan in place. That's cool.


2. Woman wants to get married and man doesn't (for whatever reasons).


I think scenario 2 is much more common than the first. If you want to be married then do not think getting pregnant will get you there. Causes a lot of turmoil in the house and eventually leads to break ups, custody battles, single moms, etc....I know much more of situation 2 than 1 which I am in general agreeance that you should wait to be married before having kids.

Kritika Kritika

Sorry for my poor grammar...because I see much more of 2 than 1, I generally agree that you should be married first or at least have a plan in place.

Missu... MissusHibbs

I had my first 2 kids with a man I was with for 12 years...(he "didn't believe" in marriage, though he was a devoted father.) We split up but he is still %100 in our kids' lives. I got pregnant again only 5 weeks after I started dating my now-husband...we got married at 20 weeks pregnant! What matters most is that all 3 of my children are very very loved, by all 3 of their parents. Getting married before having children isn't nearly as important as raising those children to be kind, loving and good people.

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I was in the middle of planning my wedding when my first one came along...we ended up having a small civil ceremony shortly after her birth and am still happily married and expecting our second :-p

zandh... zandhmom2

I really don't care if someone is married or not before having kids but my biggest problem is that a lot of women don't think about how good the man they choose to father their kids with are going to be. I've seen so many women who pick losers for their children dad and then it's the child who suffers for it.  Rather you decide to stay a lifetime with the father or not, just make sure that he is a stand up guy who will support the kid and be in their lives.

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