10 Reasons Pregnancy Isn't Sexy

pregnantThis morning, I read an article written by CNN contributor Shanon Cook, who talked about an experience she had in a grocery store when she was pregnant. Shockingly, a man started hitting on her, even though she was sporting a big old baby bump and was a mere three weeks from her due date.

She was pretty surprised that this dude thought she was hot considering just how pregnant she was, so she did some research on the subject and gathered a couple opinions from a sex educator and a good male friend.

The friend gave a few reasons why men find themselves attracted to pregnant women, including the increased size of their boobs, their "glow," and an innate desire to protect them. No big shockers there.

But the sex educator's opinion did kind of surprise me, because she seemed to think that pregnant women feel more comfortable and sexy in their own skin than when they are not expecting.

Really?!

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I don't mean to play Debbie Downer in this case, but I honestly can't think of one thing about being pregnant that is even remotely sexy. In fact, pregnancy and sexy don't even belong in the same sentence, and here are some great reasons why.

1. Excessive Farting - Um, do I really have to elaborate here? Nothing about stinky farts is sexy. Nothing.

2. Hemorrhoids - In addition to passing gas, most pregnant gals have a blood vessel hanging out of their butt at one point or another while they're expecting. And that's just not very hot.

3. Leaky Boobs - You know that your boobs start leaking fluid well before you deliver, right? Try feeling like a sex kitten when you stain your shirt at the dinner table. It's impossible.

4. Overgrown Lady Bits - Unless you are getting regular bikini waxes during your last trimester, your area "down there" really starts looking like an overgrown jungle. If you can't see it, you can't shave or trim it either. And a lack of personal grooming just isn't sexy.

5. Weight Gain - This one is so obvious, but still worth mentioning. How in the heck are pregnant women supposed to feel hot when the scale goes up each and every single time they go to the doctor? Seeing that number continue to rise is the ultimate sexy-killer. I stopped feeling like a hottie well before I hit 180. I'm just sayin'.

6. Cankles - Seriously, is there anything less feminine than having cankles? It's pretty tough to feel attractive when you can't tell where your legs end and your feet begin.

7. Peeing Your Pants - Nothing says, "Let's get it on," like sneezing in front of your man and wetting your pants a little bit. (And if for some reason your guy is turned on by that, I'd run for the hills.)

8. Cellulite - I had cellulite before I got pregnant, but after? Holy moly! I probably could've been mistaken for one giant golf ball. Lumps and bumps and being "in the mood" really don't go hand in hand.

9. Itchy Skin - The bigger I got, the more my skin really started to stretch, and my belly itched constantly. Somehow I really didn't feel like a hot mama when I was going to town and moaning while scratching my belly button all day long.

10. The Fatigue Factor - By the end of my pregnancy, I was exhausted after walking up the stairs, I had bags under my eyes the size of a suitcase, and I kind of looked like I'd been hit by a mack truck. Being overtired is just about as unsexy as it gets.

And don't even get me started on how big of a buzz kill delivering a baby is as far as being sexy goes. I'll leave you with two words that pretty much sum up the experience: mesh panties.

Have you felt sexier than normal during your pregnancy? Please, enlighten me.

 

Image via moonsheep/Flickr

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