Pregnancy brings with it, a lot of unforeseen changes. I'm not just talking about your nose spreading, your feet growing, or even the fact that you might be over taken by uncontrollable bouts of gas. I’m talking of the sudden Sybil syndrome that descends upon pregnant women. The ugly toll that changing hormones can take on an expectant woman’s life, making her unrecognizable to our loved ones.
Nauseated Nancy: Back the truck up, she wakes up feeling like she’s been asleep at sea. She brushes her teeth and almost vomits. Commence watery eyes and gagging. Breakfast? No, thank you. Starving. Must eat. Irritable bowel ensues. No appetite. Repeat.
Starving Sally: She eats but her hunger is insatiable and nothing quenches it except for carbs. Ding Dongs and Pizza are bad, right? Don’t try to come between Sally and her carbs or you may just pull back a nub.
Horny Helga/Dirty Diana: She just can't get enough sex and naughty dreams about Ryan Reynolds are not helping the situation. Husband wants to watch porn? She’ll do it! Unexpected sexts? Coming his way. Pity that he opened the video she sent of her doing a striptease while his coworkers were so close. Bonus: He’s got something to look forward to the rest of the day.
Piss a lot Penelope: Two days before she even took the pregnancy test and she was already pissing every 10 minutes. Don’t get in her way, she will surely push you out of her way; no matter that you're a toddler.
Exhausted Emma & Narcoleptic Nora: She’s so freaking tired that she can pass out in the middle of any conversation, sex, or family activity. This mama to be needs a nap, STAT!
Weepy Wilhelmina: What? You think her lasagna needs more garlic? She popped? Are you calling her fat? You hate her don't you? A gnat just landed on her straw! Waaaaaaa!
Bi-Polar Bertha: Bertha is elated and then deflated in 20 seconds flat. She loves you. She loves you not. You're the best. Life is beautiful. Head spins! She hates you. She hates you not. Pizza sounds fabulous for dinner! What are you trying to do make her fat? She loves you. She loves you not.
Freaking Out Fiona: The baby is coming! I know it's not for 8 more months but he's coming all the same. What if I can't take care of him? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I mess him up? I don't know how to take care of a circumcision. We need more money, a bigger house ... more money!
What were some of your pregnancy alters?
Image via Helga Weber/Flickr