10 Signs Your Biological Clock Will Never Chime

woman holding a dogWe all know the signs of to look for when our biological clocks is going off. It’s pretty obvious to know when we have baby on the brain. Suddenly, anything and everything baby sends our uterus into a 7.6 babyquake. But what about when we are done? Maybe we have bypassed the wanting to be pregnant altogether. Or maybe our biological clock has died. May it rest in peace. It happens. Not all of us want to have children, some of us are perfectly happy with our lives as they are.

Here are a few signs that your biological clock may have stopped working:

  • You see your hot fiancé playing with his adorable niece and all you can think, is "EWWWW, put that thing down before she spits up on you or gets her sticky hands on you!”
  • You turn off all the lights and hide in the closet when your best friend who just had a baby tries to do the pop in with her wailing newborn.
  • When you hear a baby cry, your eye gets twitchy and you look for the nearest exit, even if it's a window.
  • Two days before your period is due you get so paranoid that you check with a microscope for signs of spotting.
  • You've gotten rid of your toy poodle because keeping that bitch in toys and clothes was cutting into your “me” time.
  • The condom breaks and you go full on exorcist. Leaving the premises at lightning speed on a search and rescue mission for the Plan B pill. You break up with your partner.
  • You see a kid tantruming at the restaurant and all you can think is, “Thank God, I don’t have a child.” You promptly ask the manager to move you to a more civilized area.
  • You are moving and base your entire move on what’s within walking distance to the best restaurants, clubs and entertainment venues, preferably a child-free residence.
  • You do not find children giggling and playing, random tiny hugs, or being called mommy even the least bit interesting.
  • You have decided that sleep, quiet peace, nice things, traveling and money are things that you really like having in your life.

Did you have a biological clock issue?


Image via Tedeytan/Flickr

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