Choosing the Sex of Your Child


choosing the sex of your child

Photo by jencalkins

I really wanted to have a little girl. With our first baby, when we found out the sex, I was utterly disappointed to learn it was a boy. Oddly shocked, too, although of course the odds were 50/50, as they always are. It took me several days to rebound, but I did. And when our son was born it no longer mattered a bit -- I loved him with my whole heart. Would I have been interested in picking the sex? I don't know, we didn't go down that road. But many mamas do.

I read an article on Babble recently about healthy moms- and dads-to-be willingly participating in procedures like IVF in tandem with PGD (pre-implantation genetic determination) and MicroSort, the spinning of sperm, in order to pre-determine the sex of their child. And these elective procedures come with a hefty price tag, which just goes to show you how important it is to these parents to have one sex over the other.

Just why is it so important? Dr. Daniel Potter, author of the new book Family Balancing: How to Choose the Gender of Your Next Child, explains it this way in the article:

"For a high percentage of women, when they're growing up, they have a lot of thoughts about parenting and what they're going to be like. The baby they see in that image, often of a little girl, this baby, this image in their mind, lives in their subconscious just like a human child. When you have to let go of that image, that dream, it is a mourning process."

Pretty interesting stuff. Sometimes it's just about having a certain equitable vision of your family, too -- a mom and dad have three girls, but they'd also like to have the experience of raising a boy.

Of course there are less scientific, less expensive ways of trying for one sex over the other, too -- when to have sex, position, etc. One resource that focuses on the timing issue is the decades-old book (recently updated), How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby, by Dr. Landrum Shettles.

Moms around here are interested in the idea of gender selection, too -- if you have questions or are in the process of trying to conceive a boy or a girl, connect with TTC a boy/girl -- methods and myths or Choose the sex of your next baby.

What about you? Were you attached to the idea of having one sex over the other? Did things turn out the way you hoped they would?

boy or girl


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jenca... jencalkins

I didn't really care at first, just wanted a healthy baby!  My husband told me that we were having a girl, he just had a feeling, and after that, I kinda grew attached to having a little girl and hoped that we were.  Turns out, hubby was right and Grace is more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Thanks for using my pic, too!  :)


I really thought Tristian was a girl. But I think that was because I had a stillborn daughter. I know that may not make sense, but I think I was just superimposing the two together. I really thought I wanted him to be a girl too and was also disappointed, and shocked when we found out he was a boy. But now I'm glad, I think it gave me more time to heal from the lose of my daughter and I worry that I might have not been able to seperate the two had he been a girl. So I believe that worked out as it did for a reason. I am still a little scared to have a girl, because on some level I think I feel that if I have a live daughter my first daughter won't mean as much. And while I realistically know that's not true, it's still there as a fear. So I don't think I would choose the sex, even if I had the chance and even though I want a daughter. I will just let God give me whichever he thinks I should have.

drown... drowninginboys

I always thought I'd have girls, but as you can tell by my screen name, it never happened. I have 3 bio boys and a SS. When we found out our little guy was a boy I cried and cried. He was going to be our last no matter what, so that meant I would never have a daughter. I wouldn't trade any of them for a girl, but I do hope for granddaughters..... someday.

Mieyonna Mieyonna

I have had three children and Im pregnant with my 4th.  I lost my only son in drowning accident this past summer....he was only five.  We just found out that Im carrying another girl.  It broke my heart.  I dont want to "replace" my son....that would be IMPOSSIBLE>  But I miss that bond that a mother/son has.  My girls are independent....boys cuddle and spend lots of mommy time.  I ache with the want to have a boy.  You can bet your bottom buck that if I had the money, I would choose a method to have a boy.  We plan to try again for our last child around July when this baby will be three months old.  Its my last shot.  I may try the erricson or microsort.  It ups your chances, but unlike PDG with IVG you do not have to "discard" any embryos.  Some men just do not produce a large amount of the Y sperm needed to produce a boy.  These procedures just help you up your odds....its not like "killing" an unwanted baby.  Sperm is only becomes a baby once its inside and fertilizes.  Microsort and erricson just sort them "hopefully" in favor of one gender or another....and they are not always accurate.  You still have the odds of having a child of the opposite sex than you desired.

elena... elenasmom905

When I'd thought about it growing up, I always thought of myself raising a daughter.  Then when we got pregnant, daddy was kind of hoping for a boy (so I was too - it'd be so cool if my future daughter had a big brother to look after her!) - but as it turned out I got my daughter! And she's just been so awesome, I kinda' fell in love with the idea of having another girl this time around - but as it turns out he'll be getting his wish too! 

At any rate, we're feeling pretty thankful that we'll have one of each and won't feel like we've got to "try" for one sex or the other - although I too would be opposed to trying to engineer the sex of our baby under any circumstances.  After #2 we're done!

Monik... Monika2024

HI all, I have a 9 year old son and want another boy badly. I cannot imagine having a girl-all the prissy girl stuff and all the pink, and dresses and hair things and dolls...Ugh!! Anyway, if I could afford it I wold do it in a heart beat. I do not understand the people (not saying anyone one here) that believe having an abortion is a womans' choice, yet deny women to genetically select the sex they prefer? Huh!!?!?

darce... darcelina

I just got approved for the microsort and am seriously considering it, we have two wonderful boys but I feel like something is missing, " a girl", I know the chances are slim to conceive about 15% and it does cost a lot of money, but I axtually know someone who did it and they got their girl.  I am sure there are plenty of people who feel like I do but don't have the guts to speak up.  I am sure there are more people out there who feel it is wrong, but guess what it is my choice not yours, so keep your mouth shut!

nonmember avatar marc

I have three daugthers and I am 36 years old. I kind of feel empty without a son. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to make it happen. My wife is focusing more than ever because of our latest conversation about a little boy.

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