Angelina Jolie Is Sooo Pregnant

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Angelina Jolie Oscars
Could it be triplets?
Rumors of an Angelina Jolie pregnancy have been rampant as of late. I know rumors of every female celebrity being pregnant are always rampant, but rumors of Angelina Jolie being pregnant have been really rampant. Extra rampant. Google "Angelina Jolie pregnant" right now. A whole boatload of (recent) stuff will come up -- particularly stuff about her being pregnant with another set of twins.

However. I think I speak for all of us when I say that her display at last night's Oscars finally put an end to everybody's unanswered questions. Angelina Jolie is obviously super pregnant.

First of all, there was her dress. I mean, come on, black? Why not just slap on a t-shirt that says, "Expecting," for God's sake. Angelina -- and her right leg -- couldn't have chosen a more obvious maternity gown for the occasion. The entire time she was on stage presenting, I was waiting for a Beyonce-esque announcement, where she turned to the side and lovingly embraced her bump. That's so Angelina.

More from The Stir: Angelina Jolie Is Genius to Jump on the Pregnancy Bandwagon

Then there were her arms. If you could even call them that. Look more like legs. I don't remember Angie getting really big her last few pregnancies, but evidently, this time around, all the weight is going to her limbs. I always thought she could stand to put on a little weight, but sheesh, girlfriend, pace yourself. You can't be that far along right now. At the rate you're going, you're bound to start rumors of triplets or even quadruplets.

And to be totally frank, her whole attitude last night screamed "I'm pregnant." The vampy leg thing she kept doing? Everybody knows that when women are in their first trimester, they feel super sexy. Studies have shown that morning sickness and constant bloating trick females' minds into thinking they're Jessica Rabbit-esque sex bombs. So there was that.

Finally, there was her hair and face. As usual, both were lovely and beautiful, but both seemed to be extra lovely and beautiful last night, if you know what I'm saying. Clearly, she just had something done. Her locks were a tad lighter than their usual raven shade, and her forehead was super smooth and shiny. Not saying she had anything done for sure, but, everyone likes to indulge in a little hair dyeing and Botox when they first find out they're expecting. It's the perfect mood booster! Way more gratifying than something stupid and temporary like yoga.

So, the next time you hear Angelina being cagey about whether or not she's pregnant, I refer you back to Oscar night, friends. Or as I like to think of it: "The Night Angelina Jolie (More or Less) Announced Her Pregnancy."

Check out Angelina Jolie as a positive First Response test incarnate:

Do you think Angelina Jolie is pregnant?

 

Image via 5minmedia/Splash

angelina jolie, award shows

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Maevelyn Maevelyn

I agree we all dip our heads in chemicals and fill our faces with botulism bc it's both sexy and safe for the baby.

write... writer053ga

Oh come on. Seriously?? Yes, she was wearing black but she was thin as a rail! Not an ounce of fat anywhere.

nonmember avatar Elizabeth

Agreed - there was no fat and her arms looked skinny as ever. If anything I thought she had an eating disorder.

nonmember avatar Cindy

You are nuts. Her arms were sooooo thin. What are you talking about that she gained weight in her limbs? I don't think she could have looked any thinner.

nonmember avatar Suzy Q

Sarcasm people, sarcasm.

nonmember avatar katrina

This is clearly a sarcastic article guys. Its just not very funny.

Ms.Pu... Ms.PuNkrOckStar

Whatever you are smoking. . . Pass it on :P

Melis... Melissa1508

Guys, she's kidding around.  She's obviously not being serious. 

nonmember avatar Hannah

This was the worst sarcastic article I've ever read. Please. For the love of God, never, ever, and I do mean ever, write anything again.

BNT8389 BNT8389

okay this article is horrible

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