Naming your baby seems fun ... at first. Most of us start as little girls dreaming of the names we'll one day bestow upon our children. When you're actually expecting a child, however, you realize the enormous responsibility you hold in your hands.
While it's definitely a matter of taste in most cases, there are some real repercussions for kids with bad baby names besides the fact that they may hate you for them someday. A recent study even showed that less-than-desirable names can actually lower a person's self-esteem and make them lonelier in life. Yikes, talk about pressure.
To help with the task, here are 25 "rules" that all parents should at least consider to keep from giving your kid a bad baby name:
1. Don't name your child after food. J.R. Martinez and Diana Gonzalez-Jones, who are expecting their first baby in May, recently told People magazine that they haven't settled on a name yet, but have ruled out two: "Salami" and "Apple Cider." Smart people they are, and we all should follow their cue -- if it's edible, don't name your baby after it.
2. Skip stripper names. No offense to strippers, but there are some basic rules to avoid giving your daughter a name that makes her sound destined for life on a pole.
3. Avoid names that people hate. These will change from year to year, but Jayden and Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards) made the list of most hated baby names this year.
4. Think about your child's future email address. Peter Enis sounds lovely, until one day his company assigns him a work email address that becomes Penis@thiscompany.com.
5. Play the rhyme game to make sure that kids on the playground won't be able to. Jinx, Stinks. Brody is grody. Nelly is smelly. You get the idea. Any questions, just run the name by an 8-year-old boy and see what he comes up with.
6. Avoid names with 8,000 different spellings. Caitlyn. Kaitlyn, Catelyn, Caitlin ... you get the idea.
7. Don't get all creative and make up a name. Stephania, Jolissa, Crystalina, anything you just create out of thin air or by combining more than one name should be avoided.
8. Consider your kid's initials. I was teased for being JAR growing up (Julie Ann Ryan), which was annoying, but not that bad. Ashley Suzanne Smith on the other hand might feel differently.
9. Don't forget monograms. You also have to remember that the first letter of the last name goes in the middle on monograms. Peter Grant Immerson ... think about walking around with that monogram on your sweater.
10. Try not to be Inspired by random things. For example, the couple who named their baby after the Facebook "Like" button. Don't do that.
11. Don't be funny. Your kid's name isn't a joke. Harry Pitts may be funny to you, but your kid probably won't think so, and he'll likely be bigger and stronger than you someday.
12. Don't try too hard. Aristotle. Harvard. Yale. Einstein. Setting high expectations is one thing, but it's really too much pressure for any child to live up to their name in some cases.
13. Skip offensive names. Little Adolf Hitler is a darn good example of this.
14. Remember your baby will be a human not an animal. I love Alicia Silverstone, but Bear Blu is just all sorts of wrong.
15. Tame the fanatic sports fan in you -- or your partner. During the World Cup, we saw Fifa used. There are also reports of ESPN Montanna and Crimson Tide Redd. Team enthusiasm taken too far isn't fun for anyone.
16. Don't do the celebrity thing. Celebrities love to shock us with their bizarre baby names. Aleph Portman-Millepied (Natalie Portman's son) and Moroccan Scott Cannon (one of Mariah Carey's twins) are two of the doozies we saw last year alone.
17. Avoid names that a country would ban. We may have more freedom here in the United States, but the fact that a country would ban names like "89," "Mister," and "Messiah" is a pretty good indicator you might want to ban them from your use too.
18. Think about your kid's future career. That name on a resume can and does make a difference studies say. Names like "Ish," "Congratulashayla," and "Pornwadee" make employers say, "Don't call us ..."
19. Don't get cutesy. You may have you heart set on Mercedes, but if you happen to marry someone whose last name is Driver, then I'd test drive some other names.
20. Skip the free brand endorsement. Fendi. Gucci. Cartier. Avoid the pompous and pretentious at all costs.
21. Don't give your sweet baby an evil name. Lucifer. Why even go there?
22. Don't name your kid after a pet. Sooner or later someone will tell you they have a dog with the same name as your kid no matter what it is, but going with something like King, Spike, or Bandit is going to up the frequency significantly.
23. Avoid adjectives. Trendy names are one thing, but the name “Trendy” is something else. Yet, that’s just what soccer player Gabriel Zakuani chose for his son last year. Others to avoid: Heavenly, Splendid, Scenic.
24. Don't give your son a girlie name. I love Johnny Cash, but it's just cruel to give a boy a name like Sue, Leslie, or Marion.
25. Don't listen to anyone else. The truth is, someone is going to have a problem with absolutely any name you pick. Someone will have a bad association with it, find a way to make fun of it, or otherwise turn up their nose at your choice. So take these guidelines with a grain of salt, then name your baby whatever you damn well please ... well, almost anything.
What bad baby-naming pitfalls would you add to this list?
Image via jetsandzepplins/Flickr
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Comments 122
I'd prefer a different unique name than one where you will be doomed to tack your last initial to for everything all the time. My name was quite popular at the time I was named, & I've grown up hating it.
My girls have unique names, but they can be shortened to nicknames easily & have a few options to chose from so if they dislike their name at least they can have a choice.
& my Husband is named Tucker, which I love the name & if we have a boy would love to name him that, but yes the playground rhyme teases aren't the best with that name....& my husband said he has heard it his whole life, the joke never gets old to people.
Some names are just awesome, like Jesse James (My bf's oldest son) and our little boy Samuel Adam. But it's just sad when people assume we are alcoholics because of our youngest's name. It's a dang shame when I get those questions. Guess we're just going to have to educate our little boy to be proud to be named after Samuel Adams. :](And Jesse James of course)
As a former teacher, I can tell you teachers will not take your child as seriously if they have a bizarre name. I had a student named Dewhiz. No one in the building took that poor boy seriously. Think about their future, people.
My fiance's last name is Quick. I wanted toname DS Wiliam and call him Liam, but I got to thinking about the nicknames for William - Billy, Will, Willy etc and put those with DF's last name and veto'd that at once. Willy Quick Billy Quick... ya.... no good LOL
So also consider "nick name" or what names are short for the name you are picking...
I couldn't believe that there was 25 rules of baby naming but I agreed with every one of them. I never actually got a chance to name my kids as they were adopted as older children. However my son picked his new name himself and picked names that I probably would have chosen, probably because when he asked for names, the first ones that I said were names that I liked.
I'm not sure how I named my children without this list..
I did not want any unisex names for a first name. I wanted people to look at the legal name and know the sex of my child. I once ran across "Keegan Drew" and didn't know how to enter the child in the computer because we didn't know if they were a boy or a girl until I recognized the address and realized it was my neighbor's daughter.
I also eliminated the names of all my siblings, my first cousins, and my nieces and nephews. My mother's sister grew up never using her first name and going by her middle name, my first name. I was doomed to a lifetime of "Janie" around my mother's family. That's cute for a child, but as an adult, I detest that name. I have two cousins who where born a few days apart with the same first name, again it's hard to tell them apart at family gatherings. I also have a cousing who gave all of her kids the same name as her siblings and parents. They are nice names, but it's harder at family gatherings.
I also eliminated names that could be a last name as a first name. When people look at a name like "Parker Makenzie" they will mix up the first and last name and could mistake the sex of your child.
So basically that last instruction was to completely ignore everything you just told us?
Seriously though, I agree with some of these, but some are just ridiculous. My daughter's name is completely made up, and everyone we have met says what a beautiful name it is, my cousin's name was completely made up by her parents, and same thing, everyone think's it's a great name. Though I will agree with the inital thing. I really wanted my daughter's middle name to be Sophia, but then her initial would have been A S S, so I went with Elena instead.