Last month, a 24-year-old Muslim man was arrested after assaulting a nurse trying to deliver the baby his wife was working hard to push out. It seems that, in an effort to make her more comfortable and help her prepare for the final countdown before the newborn debuted, the poor nurse tried to take off the laboring woman’s burqa. Her husband spotted the scene unfolding through a window, broke down a locked door, and punched the nurse dead in the face.
Now, that’s an extreme example of what shouldn’t happen when a gal is huffing and puffing her way through the process of bringing forth new life. And suffice it to say that abusing the medical professionals is generally foolish since they guarantee all ends well in the birthing room. But physical altercations aside, there are other things that men shouldn’t say or do in interest of keeping the peace in the delivery room.
Don’t ask the mother-to-be for status updates. There’s an assortment of surefire ways to get laid out, cussed out, or put out. Asking, even ever-so-gently, “how’s it coming along?” or “how much longer do you think it’s going to be?” ranks right up there at the top of the list. You don’t rush a cake in the bakery and you don’t rush a bun in the oven.
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Don’t get sleepy or act like you’re bored.
Look sir, chances are pretty good you managed to stay up during the process of conceiving the child, so you can surely stay alert while your better half produces the finished product. If she can’t get any rest with contractions squeezing her woman parts every few seconds, guess what? Neither should you. Tough it out.
Don’t treat her body like a visual aide from 6th grade health class. That means squelching the urge to shriek “ewww! What’s that?!” or “oh my gosh! I didn’t know it would stretch that wide!” Not helping. Not helping one bit.
Don’t complain about anything. For God’s sake man! Do you have a death wish? That woman is doing more work in this little window of time than you’ll do in a six-month stretch, maybe even six years. If you’re feeling restless, tired, or otherwise unengaged, just imagine what it’s like for her. That’s right. Empathy.
Don’t hype up the contractions. Don’t enthusiastically announce when the fetal monitor shows one’s on the way. Don’t relish in the magnitude of it once it (finally, slowly, achingly) passes. She was there. She felt it when it was coming on and she felt it the whole live long way through.
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Don’t amuse yourself. If there was ever a time to be completely and totally focused on her, this would be it. Every few minutes, her insides are being squeezed and wrung out like a dollar store sponge. It’s OK to send the occasional text to keep family and friends in the loop but beyond that, Words With Friends or the Steelers game is just going to have to wait.
Did someone you love contribute to a delivery room horror story?
Image via footloosiety/Flickr
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Comments 84
I only had one rule with my deliveries and that was that my husband had to stay near my head at all times and was not allowed to venture beyond my shoulders. I'd heard stories of men being horrified after seeing their wives vagina's stretched and not wanting to have sex with them again. My husband was very supportive and the only time he slipped up was with our first baby, the doctor told me to push and he said, "Yeah Sweetheart, push". I turned into some kind of evil demon, turned my head 180 degrees and spewed venom at him yelling, "What the @#$% do you think I'm doing, A#@hole!". He never gave me any "helpful instructions" after that!
I agree with most of it. Except, if the Bronco game was on while I was in labor, I'd make sure he was giving me updates every mintue lol
I live in Eastern Europe and family members aren't allowed inside the delivery room,once you get there you are pretty much on your own,due to the sterile environment, just the doctor and the nurses help you through it ...so lucky for my husband he was not that close when I had our sons,was only allowed to come in and see me after the baby was delivered...He was great before and after delivery,especially the second time around.
My ex sat in a corner talking to his family, not giving updates on everything talking to them... I mean he was chatting about cousins, the weather, what happened 10 years ago, etc. When I was in pain he told me to suck it up...... he's an ex for a reason and that is one of them.
My husband was (intentionally) late to our son's birth, and he didn't make it to our daughter's birth at all. His reason? He doesn't like hospitals. With our daughter, he also said he didn't think I'd need him there, since I did fine when our son was born. I can't really go into detail about how I feel about that without using profanity, but I'm still upset about it now. Our kids are 6 and 3.
When I was in labor.....we had an hour and a half drive to the hospital from where we were living....and had to stop in my home town mid way to pick up a friend that was going to be there for my daughter's birth. But before that....we had to stop and get gas.... it was FREEZING cold, snowy, the roads were crappy and it was slow going. We got to the gas station....and my daughter's sperm donor had the nerve to tell me to go inside and pay for the gas.....and told me to get him a cappucino while I was at it.. contractions and all. I was FURIOUS.
That doesn't even count him insisting on smoking weed and getting high on the way to the hospital as well....and taking forever to find the hospital because he couldn't remember how to get there.
My hubby doesn't do well with bloody stuff. We learned with our first that he should not be holding one of my legs during the pushing stage and looking down when the doctor makes an un-announced episiotomy. He darn near passed out! For our DD's birth, we told the nurses that he needed to be at my head or across the room. They tossed him some dirty looks, like "Why aren't you supporting your poor little wife?" until I told them about the last time and that they really didn't want to have to catch a guy his size, lol :) He did have to lay down and rest during both births, my labors were very long and he was tired. So was I, but to me there was no reason for both of us to be dead tired. The only thing that annoyed me was that when it was finally over both times late at night and we were brought into the recovery room, he layed down on the couch in the room, put in his ear plugs that he normally sleeps with, and went to sleep while I was still expected to deal with the new baby by myself (We breastfeed and we were "rooming in" ). I actually had to wake him up at one point because our DD spit up some clear stuff and I was in too much pain to get up and make sure she was ok. Then, after he dealt with that, she did it again and I made him get up a second time, and he acted like it was the end of the world.
We live less than a mile from the hospital and my husband kept going home while I was in labor. Why? The chair in the hospital was uncomfortable and he couldn't sit there. The worst was when after being in labor for six hours, the doctor finally showed up and as soon as she started talking to us, my husband answered his cell phone and stood there talking louder and louder to talk over the doctor. After she left he complained about how rude she was, didn't she see he was on the phone?
I honestly WANTED DH to sleep through most of it! I didn't see the point in having us both exhausted at the end. At least if he rested until I really needed him he'd have the energy to do more for me down the road. Like, change all the diapers and cuddle with baby while I napped between BFing sessions, deal with the visitors and keep them moving/out of the room when I needed rest, grabbing us a bite to eat when the hospital food just wasn't cutting it...
I also enjoyed him hyping up the contractions. It let me know that even though he was napping here and there, dealing with all the family, etc, he was still very interested in my labor and progression.
And, finally, I didn't mind him voicing his own needs. Not really complaining, but having him come up and say "Hey, I'm hungry. Do you mind if I grab something to eat?" didn't really phase me. Now, had he sat there demanding I order food up for him b/c he was totally incapable of feeding himself, it might have been a different story. But just b/c I'm in labor doesn't mean he stops being a human being with needs. There were points in my own labor where I was bored, or tired, or hungry...It was nice knowing I wasn't the only one.