Fathers-to-Be Don't Need Their Own Doula


baby feetI stumbled upon this ad for a "dudela" which is a doula for fathers-to-be. The post mentioned the various services a dudela would do -- like keep the expectant dad updated on sports scores and prepare his text messages that will go out to friends once baby is born. A dudela would also respond to all incoming calls and texts and make sure all devices have enough charge. All of this so the mother's partner can be there in-the-now while everything else gets taken care of by your hired help, the dudela.

Made you giggle, didn't it? Sounds like it's a joke, right? Well, this dudela is based in New York City, and honestly, it could very well be real considering you can hire someone for just about anything in NYC. But I think it's really unnecessary, unless ....

... you have no family or friends around to help you with that sort of thing. Or you absolutely must be tuned in to everything that goes on around you and this is the only way to really pay attention to the woman who is about to have your child.

If this is a joke (which I think it is), it sure pokes fun at women who hire doulas, and the profession as well. I'm a huge supporter of doulas, and had one for my pregnancy and birth. So I feel like people who would go as far as to take jabs at the profession just don't get the importance of pregnancy and birth -- or understand how a doula can be so helpful. I think birth partners can really help a couple have the birth they want. And doulas aren't just for the mom-to-be but dad-to-be as well. But I also get how it's easy to make fun of a society who seems to hire someone to do everything. Have we turned into a nation who can't do anything for ourselves? If you can afford it, of course.

I wish I could hire people to do certain things for me. Like pooping. Or being sick. Or changing those really watery diapers. But at the same time, I'm okay that those things are a part of my life.

Still, I think having a doula is very different. A doula empowers, educates, encourages. A doula doesn't come in and actually give birth for you.

I emailed "dudela" to see if he was real and so far, no response. I'll keep you posted.

Here is the full ad on Urban Baby, so you can decide for yourself:

A DUDELA? IS THAT LIKE A DOULA? Yes, think of a dudela as being a doula for the mother's partner. Let's face it, our plugged-in modern culture is always making us feel like we should be updating something or checking in somewhere. As a new father myself, I know how tempting it can be to check the Knicks score or respond to comments on Facebook. Let me worry about that kind of thing, and keep you updated on developments in an unobtrusive way. I am there to let you be with your partner so that you can enjoy every second of your child's birth. What I offer: MOBILE DEVICE MANAGEMENT. We will meet before the due date to craft an announcement statement, which I will send via text message to contacts of your choosing within the first hour of your baby's life. During labor and up to two hours after delivery, I will respond to all incoming texts and phone calls, taking messages when required. The battery life on all of your devices is safe in my hands. And what if she's not feeling that Bjork playlist you made for her iPod? I'll put on some Sam Cooke instead. SOCIAL NETWORK COORDINATION. Check you in at the hospital on FourSquare? Check. Update your Facebook status with baby's first picture? I like. Tweet the birth announcement? #Yes FANTASY SPORTS ASSISTANCE. The world of sports will not stop for the birth of your baby. Don't worry whether Curtis Granderson matches up well against David Price (he doesn't) or if the 49ers defense can stop the run (they can). As a veteran of many fantasy leagues, familiar with both the ESPN and Yahoo! platforms, I will ensure your team doesn't miss a beat, so you won't miss a beat in the delivery room. CONCIERGE SERVICES. You're going to want to get some celebratory cigars. Good thing I've been a subscriber to Cigar Aficionado for the last 10 years. (All of these services are also available as part of a Postpartum Package.)

What do you think? Is dudela real? Is a dudela really necessary? Would you hire one?


Image via gabi_menashe/Flickr

baby prep, fathers, natural parenting


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Rhond... RhondaVeggie

I think it's brilliant but mostly because I'm married to a man who may need something like that should I ever find myself in L&D again. He was fine with our first (let's ignore the 60+ minute dinner break he took around 6-7cm) but that may have been because the hospital didn't have wifi and he didn't have a smartphone. He had to use his parents calling card to make international announcements calls because there was no such thing as Skype on phones. At this point I fear I might need to find some sort of photoshop app to blur out the goodies before he posts to Facebook. OK, I'm about 85% kidding on that last point but if I could find a way to make him stay off the iPhone the whole time I was in labor I'd go for it.

Albond86 Albond86

I just asked my husband if he thought he needed one of these, this was his response... "Hell no, I was so bored during your labor! I was there when you wanted me there, but most of the time I was sitting in the corner talking on the phone with my dad for hours, or screwing around on Facebook!" YUP! Maybe me and hubby are weird but he wasn't that helpful during my labor and I wanted nothing to do with him because he wasn't helpful!

jalaz77 jalaz77

If my hubby needs this he can stay home. My hubby has a high priority job and when I was in early labor I told him to go to lunch with a buddy and make a few phone calls, it can get boring for the guy and I don't need his full attention during early labor. It was nice having some me time with my soon to be newborn.

Torto... Tortoise77

Let your husbands/ partners be!! If they think they need one why not??  The whole point of this is for him to be there for you while his other business is being taken care of. Like those annoying text messages " was he born yet??? was he born yet??" " when is he coming?" " why is it taking so long?" 


I get the messaging part of it if your DH is in an on call kind of job, but sports scores? If my DH was worrying about sports scores when I was in transition labor I would have been beyond furious.

memek... memekisses

Lol! Stupid!

If my husband needed this kind of help, he wouldn't be my husband.

Danzz... Danzzcoach

Makes me ill. Literally. Sad thing is I am positive it is NOT a joke considering it was NYC where you saw the ad I would bet you could find similar ones in LA or San Francisco FOR SURE!... Once again we have something else to lend favor to our new and pussified class of men called "Metrosexuals". GROSS! Please let me know when someone has come up with something to MANIFY our men again, and has officially done away with the part chick part man version currently hopping around our planet... Ya know who I am talking about, the men like Rachael Zoe's "husband". I am convinced that she only married him because he is as close to a gay (Man)  partner as she can get in the hetero world... Thanks, but I will take my husband who ACTS like a man, needs to be told farting is not sexy, and that it's time to replace his wholly lookin shirts. ;-) AT least I don' ask my husband if he needs tampons when I go out...

doulala doulala

Too bad folks aren't appreciating what a Doula is;  someone to help the mother AND father....
Helping the dad to be better supportive and more present is one of my very favorite parts of attending births.  

nonmember avatar Jess

We had a water birth with a midwife at a local hospital. Friends of my partner's are going to do the same, and there are so many questions that the dad is a little lost. Hence, Partner is going to be a dudela. He is going to sit with the dad and help him out, because most of the attention is given to the mom and dad is out in left field. I think a dudela is a great idea, especially because dads need to hear it from someone that's been through it.

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