Picture this: You haven't been married all that long and are pregnant with your first child.
Your tall, handsome, well-educated, impressively healthy husband is taking a year off before starting law school, working on a novel, trying to make a few bucks here and there. Suddenly, he comes up with a great idea to pay the bills: He'll become a sperm donor.
Do you -- would you -- go for it?
What if I told you that, over time, your husband's sperm (for which he is paid $70 per sample, every few weeks), pretty much unbeknownst to him, would be responsible for the births of at least 22 children. In other words, that baby you're carrying, made by you and your husband in the throes of newly married love (and any future children you and your husband might conceive), would have at least 22 half-siblings born to and raised by women you have never met before.
And you may never know who most of them are.
Given all that, do you go for it?
To me, the pretty clear answer is no ... freaking ... way. Not now. Not ever.
But apparently the wife of a sperm donor profiled in the current issue of The Atlantic either answered differently or perhaps was never asked the question.
The article mentions the wife of the man they're calling Raul Walters, who made $10,000 total from his sperm donations and found out about the number of children his biological contributions had produced only years later, only in passing, not mentioning what role, if any, she played in Walters' decision. But I can't stop thinking about her. Did she know her husband was donating sperm? Did she not care? And how could she not have cared? Or did she feel she was somehow sharing her good fortune (a tall, healthy, intelligent man to father her children) with other women who longed to be moms, too? If so, what altruism!
All I can say is, the idea of having untold numbers of unknown half-siblings of my children walking around, biologically fathered by my own husband, is something I could never see agreeing to. Could you?
Can you imagine ever letting your husband be a sperm donor?
Image via Mikael Colville-Andersen/Flickr
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Comments (25)
I see it as he is helping others to concieve that otherwise may not be able to. Its like donating eggs, you are giving someone the chance at haveing a baby. If my husband and I were not able to concieve, but dearly wanted a child of our own, using someone elses sperm is a wonderful blessing! And before you say theres always adoption,(I am all for adoption) sometimes, some women, want to experience carrying a baby and giving birth. My husband has thought about donating sperm. I see it as he is giving someone else a blessing!
I have thought about selling my eggs. I wouldn't mind if my DH would sell his sperm anonymously. It is helping others, and helping yourself as well.
My husband says no way b/c he couldn't stand knowing he had children out there he'd never meet. But if he ever changed his mind, I would support him. Not to be altruistic, but he IS a good genetic specimen. He's a strong, healthy man, with no family history of genetic defects. If I were a woman in need of a sperm donor, I wouldn't want someone with no medical history just selling his seed for the easy cash, I'd want a relatively generic, but healthy donor.
Calling them half siblings irks me. Yes, biologically they would have the same genetic material. But there is more to FAMILY than pure BIOLOGY. And the way sperm banks work, they keep the donated sperm farther away from the donation site, to avoid siblings unknowingly having relations. There are strict protocols to how many people can be impregnated with the same donor's sperm in any given area. They also give the men basic screening to ensure they wont' have problems and go seeking their "children" out and disrupt otherwise happy families. It has to be the right mindset, just like a surrogate mother.
All that being said, I wouldn't let him do it just for the $$. His motivation would have to be helping a family. And of course, I wouldn't be comfy with him donating sperm to someone we actually know.
No shit, Sherlock.
My fear would be for my children, what would happen if they went to school or worked with their half sibling and didnt know who they were and they maybe started dating or something. They could be dating/sleeping with or marrying their half brother/sister and they would have no idea. Thats the creepy thing about it to me. I wouldnt care about my husband having other kids out there as long as they were being well taken care of.