How 'Bout You Not Tell Me All the Bad Things About Pregnancy?

pregnantI didn't shout it from the rooftops when I found out I was pregnant. I slowly, steadily told people in order of importance and need-to-know basis. My in-laws and immediate family were among the first to know, as well as my co-workers, who I knew would grow wary once I kept having to leave for doctor's appointments -- and kept away from booze.

And it wasn't hard. A couple of times I heard, "Was it impossible to keep it a secret?" And the truth is, no, it wasn't. Not because I'm not excited, believe me I am, but because I'm a private(ish) person by nature. And I'm definitely not one to relish in attention (though please don't make your reaction too subdued).

After the "main people" were informed, and everything looked okay, I started telling other people -- friends, family members I'm not that close with. And although the majority of their reactions was lovely, I kind of regretted telling some. Because they won't shut up about all the awful things I'm in for.


There were a handful (more than a handful) of women I told whose "Congratulations" were quickly -- too quickly -- followed by "How have you been feeling?" To which I would respond with "Fine." To which they would respond with a litany of things I will eventually be feeling that won't be "fine."

I've heard from a particularly abrasive (but kind) friend of a friend: "I can't wait 'til you get pregnancy brain! You're not going to remember shit!" I've heard all about the lovely things I have to look forward to when trying to pee after giving birth. And I've heard extensively about how profoundly uncomfortable I'm going to be eating, sleeping, getting dressed, and pretty much existing from about five months on. Thanks, guys, but ... I don't remember asking.

Thing is, these are good people, nice women who would help me out in a pinch if I needed it. And I know their "advice" isn't meant with malice. I, intellectually, can understand that most of them are coming from a place of love; they're, in a really odd way, just trying to say, "I've been there. And I'm here if you need me." But it's still terribly annoying.

My pregnancy isn't their pregnancy. And every little thing they experienced I'm not going to. Sure, some symptoms seem to span across all pregnancy borders, and I'll cross those bridges when I come to them; but right now the thing I'd like most from these friends and family members, the thing that would really be most helpful, is for them to just be happy. Because that's how I feel. For now. Until I can't, you know, eat, sleep, or breathe.

Did you get unsolicited advice when you were pregnant?


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