Parenting

It's My Baby & I Can Choose Cesarean if I Want To

hand over face photoMilitant moms, you know who you are. You offer endless unwanted advice about everything from amnio to c-sections, and you judge those of us who dare to have a different opinion from yours. Well, it's my turn to talk, so listen -- and listen closely: You are sucking the joy out of my pregnancy. Stop it, already. I'm begging you!

Since I went public with my expectant-mom status, I've been lectured on why c-sections are evil, how getting amnio is dangerous (one friend even asked me disapprovingly why I wanted to "prick" my baby), and why choosing not to breastfeed is like child abuse. So far, I haven't gotten the sermon about day care, but it's coming. I can feel it.

"How can any new mother in her right mind not at least try to nurse?" one pal preached. "I mean there are all these studies!"

"C-sections are awful," another mom chided. "Our neighbor said she went through hell. I really hope you aren't actually planning to have one!"

Sigh.

Don't even get me started on all the flak I've gotten over baby names. This one means "nasty" in Russian. That one sounds like a brand of face cream. I dated a guy by that name -- he was a total ass.

I used to think people who chose not to tell anyone their picks were weird and took themselves too seriously. Now I'm with them, 100 percent. So you moms (and some dads) who think it's your place to chime in about someone else's names need to keep your mouths shut. It's not your baby!

My husband wryly suggested floating "dummy names" -- decoys -- so people would get an answer to their question but we'd be spared their opinions on the real ones. He also thinks vague comments about things like amnio and child care are the way to go. Ah, hindsight ...

Look, this is the first time I've been pregnant. It definitely isn't all fun and games (hello, constant bloating!), but it is an exciting time. I just want to sit back, feel the baby grow, pick out cute names without a peanut gallery, and be happy about it. I don't want other know-it-all moms to shove their views in my face and make me worry that I'm doing something wrong. I probably am, but let me! These are personal decisions!

And who asked you, anyway?

Are know-it-all moms hijacking your pregnancy?

 

Image via the Italian voice/Flickr

c-sections, boy or girl, emotions, the pregnant life

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nonmember avatar me

I get where you are coming from, cause guess what, people on the other side of the argument get the same thing....you'll spoil your baby if you hold them too much. or breastfeed them too much. or, oh, you're planning a natural child birth? you'll never make it! It will hurt to much. You are crazy.

With that said, I would never purposely have a c-section. It's major surgery. A lot can go wrong.

And I would never bottle feed.

But it is your choice to raise your child how you see fit. I personally believe some of those choices are wrong. And that's my right.

nonmember avatar PootThereItIs

Finally, someone wrote about it! Any time someone on this site comments and says the SAME thing, they are "a troll". There seems to be way too many moms out there that need to get off their high horse about HOW they got their kid out of them. Because, let's face it, a c-section baby is NOT going to turn out any different than a home-birth baby because of how it was born. And, if the way you got your baby out of you is the greatest accomplishment you've made in your life, you need to reevaluate it.

RanaA... RanaAurora

Eh, it comes from anywhere. Saying I didn't need nor want a single bottle in my house got me eyerolls and called bad names. Saying I didn't want an epidural? Gets me called a stupid hippie martyr with a superiority complex. God forbid I announce I'm proud that on my daughter's 2nd birthday, she was still breastfeeding and rear-facing, as per recommendations? Makes me some FREAK in certain groups.


Just ignore them. If you're not interested in information others try to share (and it's WORTH IT to always read both sides of anything, even if you know what you think going into it), then just blow it off. :) You control how you feel. Other people can't ruin ANYTHING for you if you don't let them in.

dirti... dirtiekittie

they're called pregnancy police honey, and they are everywhere. they've been around since the dawn of time... before we gave them the lovely 'pregnancy police' moniker we all love, they were known as nosy, busybodies... you get the idea.


it's up to you to digest what you want from friends and family and other 'well meaning' folks in your life. being indignant and wishing people would leave you alone doesn't change the situation. you'll still get strangers trying to touch your belly, or someone's granny telling you formula is the devil's milk, or your auntie telling you to back away from the microwave before you fry your unborn kiddo. if you want to have a c-section, that is your choice! (as an aside, both of my kids were born via c-section for medical reasons. i have no regrets.)

dirti... dirtiekittie

(cont)
one of my favorite pregnancy books (which you MUST read if you haven't already) is The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. in it, she says (and i paraphase): who cares if you have a natural birth, drugs or no drugs, or need a c-section? at the end, a healthy mom and baby are all that matters, and there are no awards or announcements on the intercom congratulating someone for doing it one way or another.

so when they ask what name you picked, tell them 'seven'! (ah, seinfeld. miss you.) if they ask about a c-section, tell them you were hoping to having the baby removed through your thighs to hide the scar better. but don't let it get to you... you're a mommy now, and the best choices are the educated ones you make! :)

pezch... pezcharlotte

I agree that it comes from both sides.  As far as the first comment,  I completly accept that you thing that those choices are wrong but I think that you should clarify that those choices are wrong for you not for others.  That is the problem.  It is hard to ignore some of the comments sometimes.  For instance, I tried desperately to breast feed. My daughter wouldn't do it.  I went to various lactations consultants and everything.  I ended up pumping for her for 6 months but I did have to supplement with formula.  While buying formula one day, I was approached by a stranger and told that I was damning my child for life by giving her formula and how dare I be so selfish.  So just to echo the writer and the above comments everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions but please be respectful of others you don't always know the whole story.


 

Mrs.Salz Mrs.Salz

There are know-it-all moms who force their opinions down other people's throats.


There are other moms who offer advice on what they have learned or studied.


There are other moms who refuse to look at any evidence and make stupid decisions based on what they want rather than looking at facts.

nonmember avatar Anon

But why talk about these things in the first place? Isn't it kind of a personal matter what you do with your boobs, vagina, etc.?? Personally I do NOT want to know. It's enough to just wish and hope for a safe birth, a healthy baby, and a successful mothering experience.

nonmember avatar me

pezcharlotte....no, I don't need to clarify that these choices are wrong for me, because I think they are wrong in general, not jsut for me. If you really need a c-section, that's one thing. if you just want one, that's weird. But I don't see any need for formula except for the 4-5% that's physically cannot breastfeed.

nonmember avatar Cynthia

A great thing to do if someone says something negative about you buying formula or diapers and you want them off your back, instead of "arguing" what they're saying, tell them you're buying it to donate to the food bank and do it often because you have a young child and you want to help others with children the same age. It puts a positive spin on it in their minds and really it's not their business anyways! Just remember to do that once in a while because there are those who do need the help sometimes too.

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