Giving Yourself a Baby Shower Doesn't Make You Selfish!

on June 22, 2011 at 4:00 PM

Baby showers are a tricky business, high-pressure for all involved parties. Whoever's throwing the shower -- be it a sister, mother, or best friend -- feels duty and conscience bound to fulfill the mom-to-be's every Queen for a Day fantasy, while the actual star of the show is faced with the uncomfortable (some would say unbearable) task of appearing consistently glowing and overflowing with gratitude for the party's entire two- or three-hour span.

This is especially difficult considering what you, as the expectant mom, will really be feeling, which is a wild mix of sappy sentimentality ("Aww! Look at the tiny socks!") to disappointment ("Oh boy, more tiny socks.") to bewildering sorrow ("How will I ever get these tiny socks to stay on the baby's feet? I'm not fit to be a mother! Boo-hoo-hoo!"). So why not save your loved ones and yourself the trouble of staging living up to each other's expectations and throw your own baby shower?

If you feel weird or guilty or greedy about the idea, take a step back and consider the following basic facts:

Nobody likes planning or playing baby shower games (oh, you do? Really? It's super fun for you to guess how many pink M&Ms are in the baby bottle? Please!). No one will expect these seemingly mandatory diversions at a shower you give yourself.
Nobody in your life, no matter how much they love you, wants to agonize over what type of sandwiches/cake/baked ziti/salad you want at your shower, only to watch you show up and burst into tears because the frosting "doesn't taste right." (Hormones!)
Nobody relishes the thought of spending hours wandering the aisles at Party City wondering if the plastic yellow rattle favors are gender-neutral enough, or if in your highly sensitized state, you'll think she's secretly trying to give away your big secret ("Everybody knows yellow is for girls! Boo-hoo-hoo!").

So you see? There really is no reason to feel selfish or strange at all about throwing your own baby shower. You'll be doing yourself and everyone else a favor.

Would you give yourself a baby shower?

Image via tinaxduzgen/Flickr

About the author Jacqueline Burt

has written for numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites. She is easily bored and often tired, so she requires constant entertainment to keep her awake. Dance, Monkey! Dance!

Filed Under: baby showers

Comments (29)

Ursula187

on Jun 22, 2011 at 4:16 PM

I'm sorry, but I'm a bit of a stickler (read OLD FASHIONED) when it comes to showers, whether of the baby variety or of the bridal variety. The traditional etiquette on showers is that it is simply TACKY to throw a shower for yourself. If you want to have a shower, ask a friend (or two) if she would be willing to throw you a shower. Also, it's entirely possible to have a shower without the games, and it's entirely appropriate for the mother to be asked something like "would you like potato salad? Would you rather have a cake or cupcakes?" But a mother throwing a shower for herself? Nope. Sorry.

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Nonmember comment from Anon

on Jun 22, 2011 at 4:24 PM

Um no, because it IS tacky.

butterflyfreak

on Jun 22, 2011 at 4:41 PM

I've gotta agree with the PP, throwing your own shower is just tacky. However, there's absolutely no reason why the expectant mother (or bride, or whatever) can not be consulted on her preferences for the shower. I had a couple friends plan mine, they asked me if I preferred this or that (don't remember what details now) and then my husband cooked for our baby shower, which really ended up being a co-ed shower rather than strictly women. My husband's family are big on the family get-togethers, so I ended up with several men at mine, even if they were all in their own little clique as far away as they possibly could be from the baby gear.

on Jun 22, 2011 at 4:58 PM

I did not want a shower. However, the women in my family insisted that I was having one. Since I am the one with the most money, and I thought it would be a nice way to introduce my kids' heritage (adopted from a foreign country), I decided to plan my own shower, with a little help from my friends. It was a lot of fun - I made a couple of CDs full of music that described my adoption journey / feelings for my daugheres, laid out books and handicrafts and made party favors relating to their birth heritage, ordered adoption-theme decorations and balloons, put out photos of my daughters-to-be, and found a couple of games with international themes. I'm certain that nobody felt badly about not having to do more work for the party. That said, I threw my sister's shower for her a couple years later. (That was much less fun.)

Bethsunshine

on Jun 22, 2011 at 5:22 PM

Throwing your own shower is tacky.I think it's greedy to just outright ASK for gifts, which is what throwing your own shower is. I didn't realize it was such a big deal to just ASK the mom-to-be what kind of shower she would like; sit-down meal vs. finger foods, games vs. no games, etc. I DETEST shower games of any kind, bridal or baby. I grew up in the south, and every shower I ever went to growing up was very informal, no games, just finger foods, and guests just drop in and stay for however long they feel like it. I was in for culture shock when I moved to PA. Sit-down meals, party favors, corny games and everyone stays for the whole entire thing. I told my in-laws when they gave me a baby shower for my first that I didn't want ANY games and they respected that.

The last baby shower I went to was a few months ago, for my best friend, and I only went because it was for her and she is special. It was very simple, cake, punch( which I made) and opening gifts, just what she wanted and no one had to feel uncomfortable, like they were at a fancy wedding reception.

KBW2

on Jun 22, 2011 at 5:31 PM

Yes- very tacky indeed to give yourself a shower. Here in AL we give "teas"-- come and go, visit with the person the tea is for (bride or mom to be), no stupid games, etc. I always try to personalize it with food choices and while it may sound stuffy, it's always fun :-)

hoticedcoffee

on Jun 22, 2011 at 6:16 PM

The only way throwing yourself a shower could get tackier is if you also played a party game to figure out the baby daddy based one what night you went to which bar.

Facebook comment from Rachel Schiller

on Jun 22, 2011 at 7:27 PM

It is tacky to give yourself a shower... you might as well call all your friends and family and say "lets get together so you can give me a baby gift".

Fallaya

on Jun 22, 2011 at 7:34 PM

tacky

Water_geM

on Jun 22, 2011 at 7:49 PM

I don't care.I'm throwing my own shower.I've alwys wanted a party to celebrate my pregnancy. And considering this may be my last,and its twins and I've never had a shower.I'm throwing my shower.and if people have an issue with it they can just not come.