Breaking news, you guys! It seems that, incredibly, it may be possible to keep women from getting so damn fat during pregnancy—if they're forced to continually receive text messages reminding them that it's a moment on the lips ... and a lifetime on the hips.
That's right, there is a truly heroic effort underway to address our nation's most serious health problem: the insane amounts of lard women tend to pile on when they're knocked up. According to a Dr. Raul Artal, "Excessive weight gain in pregnancy is a major reason for the obesity epidemic in our country."
While this doesn't quite explain obesity in men or childless women, we should probably go ahead and assume that pregnant ladies are mistakenly shoving donuts in the mouths of nearby strangers while frenziedly aiming for their own slobbering, ravenous food-holes.
The study that's currently in progress in Melbourne, Australia is focused on overweight pregnant women, and includes a group that received, among other diet-related instructions, "frequent reminders" about not turning themselves into such a fatty-fatty-two-by-four.
The results were absolutely astounding. Are you ready for this?
It turns out that the group who were shamed via text message gained, on average, about two pounds less than those in the control group. ABOUT TWO POUNDS!
It's true that the study isn't complete yet and the recorded weights were at 28 weeks rather than throughout the entire pregnancies and there's no data as to whether the different weight had anything whatsoever to do with overall health or gestational diabetes rates, but who cares, right? TWO POUNDS! Hello, Nobel Prize committee? Obesity crisis solved.
It should be noted that Dr. Artal also strongly believes that the Institute of Medicine guidelines on pregnancy weight gain—15 to 25 pounds for women who are overweight and 11 to 20 pounds for women who are obese—"have done a disservice to women." "It is allowing too much weight gain" for women who are already obese or overweight, he said, presumably while nibbling a stick of celery and giving himself a colonic.
Okay, okay, listen. I know that there can be health complications from weight gain during pregnancy. I know most of us don't enjoy the often-difficult process of getting back to our pre-baby weight, and I know it's not advisable to spend the entire nine months of a pregnancy mainlining Ding-Dongs.
But COME ON. It's ridiculous to pinpoint pregnancy as the main factor in the nation's overall obesity numbers, and it's even more ridiculous to trumpet these half-assed "results" as if they have any scientific bearing at all. So pregnant women who are totally immersed in a weight-related program might gain slightly less weight than other women who aren't? STOP THE PRESSES OMFG.
I'm all for maintaining health during pregnancy and reducing risk for gestational diabetes, but I'll tell you right now, if I'd received a chirpy text message about watching my diet when I was carrying my babies? I'd have slathered that phone in peanut butter, sprinkled it with salt, and eaten it whole. Then I would have borrowed someone else's phone so I could text back a photo of my GIANT PREGNANT BUTT.
What do you think about this study? Would you sign up for receiving helpful text reminders about your weight during pregnancy?
Image via Flickr/o5com