With just a few weeks to go until the arrival of my baby boys, I'm starting to load up on all of the essential baby gear. Cribs and car seats and strollers -- check, check, check. But when it comes to newborns and what kind of clothes they're going to need, my mind is totally boggled! Even the term, "layette," is intimidating, inspiring thoughts of precious wooden chests, full of meticulously-folded, fine-linen baby outfits, sheets of tissue (pronounced: tis-sue) between each delicate piece.
Of course, all my Mommy friends keep telling me that newborns really don't need that many clothes. Really? Because from what I hear, babies spit up and pee and poop themselves eight times a day, often with such force that it soaks through their diaper, their onesie, and the swaddle blanket! And you're telling me that just a handful of onesies will do? Yeah, right.
Now, I'm just talking out loud here, but why hasn't someone come up with a more convenient solution than mini-clothes that have to be constantly laundered? I think someone needs to invent a peel-away, plastic baby suit that you can just hose down and snap back on your little one after he's squirted all over himself. Okay, so maybe he won't be all that comfortable, but just think about all the time you'll save! Until then though, it sounds like one baby could need 10 back-up outfits per day, no?
A friend explained to me that the baby gear market is kind of like the wedding market, only instead of getting suckered into cake plates and crystal vases, you're succumbing to the lure of baby-lulling orbital swings and $1500 double strollers (I'm not naming names). I'm starting to figure out that I probably don't need all of the products and gadgets that I think I do. But when it comes to the side-snap and kimono shirts, the onesies, the gowns, and the sleep sacks, I'm kind of getting the sense that I might need all of it and then some -- load up, buy out the store!
Let me also point out that I'm having identical twins, so I'm going to need double of everything, multiple costume changes, probably different colors for each boy (to help tell each one apart). And at any given time, at least one of these babies is going to be power-pooping through his clothes or, at the very least, spitting up on himself. Or maybe, during a changing, one will accidentally send a forceful fountain of pee up and over the changing table, dousing his brother who, in return, sends a stream of projectile vomit right back at him, ruining TWO nice clean kimono shirts in the process.
Yes, I heard all of you Mamas -- you really don't need that many clothes for a newborn. But considering the fact that there's a constant stream of pee, poop, and vomit coming out of at least one orifice, at any given time, I'm thinking that what you really meant to say is that I'll need roughly a gazillion onesies or shirts per child.
So, please, someone, help me understand. How many onesies, side-snap or kimono shirts, sleep sacks, and gowns does one baby need?
Image via Joe Shlabotnik/Flickr