'What to Expect' Movie Is SO Much Better Than the Book

Jacqueline Burt Cote
9

what to expectI don't really care that Cameron Diaz is supposedly signing on to star in a movie version of What to Expect When You're Expecting, the dry-as-dirt, doomsday pregnancy manual that completely tramautized me and about a billion other women when we were expecting (expecting the worst, most apocalyptically horrific childbirth ever, that is, thanks to that cursed book).

I do care that they're making a movie about it, though, especially as it's apparently going to be a comedy. Yay! At last, we as a society can laugh off the panic-inducing power of the book that sent me to my OB in hysterical tears on more than one occasion ("But I have this tiny pain on my right side and the book said that could indicate I'm carrying conjoined twins!!").

Pregnant ladies, please do what what most people do in this kind of situation: Skip the book, see the movie instead.

In case you somehow managed to avoid having what some people call the pregnancy "bible" foisted upon you the second a "plus" sign appeared on your preggers test, I'll give you the Cliff Notes version: A month-by-month guide to every possible pregnancy complication, including lots of footnotes indicating why said complications are ALL YOUR FAULT.

Imagine how many emotionally vulnerable expectant moms could be saved from recurring nightmares about placenta previa and cord prolapse and a host of other things that might happen but probably won't happen and in either case, worrying about it ahead of time won't help anyway!

I also hope to high heaven that the movie will prominently feature pregnant women eating foods besides cottage cheese with wheat germ sprinkled on top (the best snack ever, sayeth the What to Expect authors). What to Expect When You're Expecting (nicknamed by a friend of mine as Eating Disorders to Expect When You're Expecting) had me convinced that if I didn't get the right amount of green leafy vegetables and/or measure my protein gram consumption with scientific accuracy, I'd give birth to a Chia Pet. Or a paperweight. Anything but an actual, healthy, child.

The movie hasn't even started filming yet, but I'm already sure it's going to be better than the book -- how often does that happen!?

Were you traumatized by What to Expect When You're Expecting?

 

Image via Amazon

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