10 Eye-Opening Reasons NOT to Have a Baby

Newborn Child in the Delivery Room of Loretto Hospital in New Ulm, Minnesota...I've been battling a sickness for months now. Years, actually. It's painful, it's annoying, and there is no known cure.

It's called baby fever and you may be familiar with it.

The symptoms occur once your youngest or only child finishes breastfeeding, takes his first steps, or enters kindergarten. Timing varies from person to person, but the symptoms are the same: The longing and yearning and insatiable hunger for a 7- to 8-pound bundle of joy.

Until there is a cure for it, I've created this list for myself and for those of you that might be suffering along with me. It's not as rosy and romantic as we might be remembering ...

1. The cost. Remember diapers? Newborn diapers? The diapers you actually have to change constantly so pee doesn't leak out everywhere? Not like toddler diapers, which you don't need to change until they hang to their knees.

2. The well visits. I love that, if the kids are healthy, we can get away with going to the pediatrician once a year for check-ups. Those weekly/monthly visits to germ-infested waiting rooms are no fun at all.

3. Backward-facing car seats. Remember those? How annoying it is to not be able to look back and see your baby? To have to feel around for the pacifier opening? To not have eye contact with the creature you are belting "Free to be you and me" out to? It's really annoying.

4. Car seats, at all. And let's not forget how much those things weigh. My shoulders ache just thinking about it.

5. The crib sheets. The only thing worse than crib sheets are bunk bed sheets. Don't say I didn't warn you.

6. Baby weight. Enough said.

7. Diaper bags. Those days of having to schlep around diapers and wipes and diaper rash cream and bottles and formula and changes of clothes really put a damper on my cute summer bag collection.

8. The umbilical cord. Ewwwwww.

9. Not being able to communicate. Sure, there are days I wish my children would just shut the hell up already, but it's so nice and easy knowing exactly what they want. Newborns are impossible like that.

10. Nipple leaks. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world to hear a baby cry and not have to worry about suddenly sporting wet spots in public.

Did you have the fever, too? Have I cured you?

 

Image via nationalarchives/Flickr

schlepp

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aaf237 aaf237

uh, yes....Thank you for the reminder :)

Peggy Morgan

LoL not at all. None of that bothers/applies to me I guess. I don't carry car seats around, I already own newborn diapers, I actually like our kids Dr., I've got crib sheets down to a science, and so far I haven't had much trouble with baby weight. You want to scare me from having kids don't try to scare me with babies, just bring your 5 year old over. Those are the ones who drive me nuts.

jaxmadre jaxmadre

I know, I know... but I still want one. I have a couple of pregnant friends. Hopefully I can get my fill on their babies.

sahm_... sahm_of3boyz

none of it bothers me either- I have baby fever and that is ALL part o fit


bouncing

butte... butterflymkm

Babies r the easy part, I'm not looking forward to doing the toddler thing again.

Hecate9 Hecate9

I agree...babies are easy, its the toddlers that are scary...lmao...I currently have one of each plus a 4 yr old. The baby is the easiest, lol.

Nicole Howard

Number 10 was a problem until the baby was five years old. I would get that feeling of terror when I was standing in a store and someones kids would start squalling. I felt like a weird-o pressing my boobs to the chest wall and trying to think of some thing else lol

nonmember avatar Melanie S

You haven't cured me yet, but I would like to add #11. Lack of sleep. When you have to wake up 3-4-5 times a night and your body hurts to just open your eyes. When I think back at those sleepless nights, I am almost cured. Also, #12, post-partum depression or Baby blues. Sucks big time!

Amy Messner Grew

You and the vastectomy my husband had.... but more you :)

Jessie Vasholz

I have to agree with Peggy Morgan on this. Babies don't scare me. It's the older kids that have a mind of their own and ask "Why?" after EVERYTHING, that's just straight up annoying. I love my kids just not other people's kids.

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