Hello Baby Bump, Goodbye Sex Life!

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pregnant bellyThat big, pregnant belly of yours is beautiful, a miracle, a sign of the life growing inside of you. Is it making your husband or partner drool with lustful sexual desire though? Hmmm, probably not. Sure, there are those women who will tell you that their man just can't keep his hands off of their burgeoning bodies, and that's great and, you know, a little weird.

But now that I'm five months pregnant with identical twins, I've started to realize that most men, including mine, love to rub that round belly and talk to the babies inside. His penis though is pretty happy just to steer clear.

A few weeks ago, a pregnant friend told me that after going through the whole second trimester without sex, she decided to finally throw her husband a bone. Well, it turned out her hubby really wasn't in the mood for a bone. He plastered a goofy smile on his face and gave it the old college try, but alas, fears of poking the baby, traumatizing the baby, and sullying the sacred womb left him unable to perform. So, she and I laughed about it and moved on to a discussion about the adorable baby boy clothes at the Gap.

But as my husband and I were lying in bed that night, I thought back to a moment during my first trimester, when my husband suddenly stopped mid-coitus, convinced that one of our babies had "kicked his dong." Forget the fact that they each weighed about a half-ounce at this point, and that there was the womb equivalent of Fort Knox between the babies and his unit -- he was sure that our boys were telling him to get the hell out of their house!

No surprise, it took another month or so for us to get back on the horse, but we got there, and as far as I was concerned, all was well. Or was it? Was I imagining things, or did he too often have a fake, goofy grin on his face during sex? What about when I asked if he thought my belly was cute and he kept repeating, "Awww, our babies are in that belly!" Did I hear a yes in there?

Not able to shake my curiosity, I told him my friend's story and asked him, point-blank, "Is my pregnancy kind of a turn-off?" And my sweet husband, very diplomatically, said, "I still think you're so pretty and I'm still attracted to you, but the fact that my babies are in there kind of freaks me out." He went on to say that it wasn't as much of an issue when my belly was just a pooch, but now that I've popped, it's a constant reminder that his sons are growing and living inside of me.

Soooo, it looks like we have a four-month dry spell to look forward to (longer if you factor in the inevitable sleep deprivation that comes with the care of two newborns), and I know that I'm not alone. A study done last year found that sex declines for most during pregnancy, especially during the third trimester. Between back pain, body insecurities, and baby-squooshing anxiety, I don't know any pregnant chicks who are really in the mood for headboard-banging, wild-animal lovemaking anyway, much less the standard ol' sexual fare. The real question though: Is your husband?

How much sex do you have during pregnancy?


Image via Jenniferschwaim/Flickr

fathers, pregnant sex & relationships, the pregnant life