Hello Baby Bump, Goodbye Sex Life!


pregnant bellyThat big, pregnant belly of yours is beautiful, a miracle, a sign of the life growing inside of you. Is it making your husband or partner drool with lustful sexual desire though? Hmmm, probably not. Sure, there are those women who will tell you that their man just can't keep his hands off of their burgeoning bodies, and that's great and, you know, a little weird.

But now that I'm five months pregnant with identical twins, I've started to realize that most men, including mine, love to rub that round belly and talk to the babies inside. His penis though is pretty happy just to steer clear.

A few weeks ago, a pregnant friend told me that after going through the whole second trimester without sex, she decided to finally throw her husband a bone. Well, it turned out her hubby really wasn't in the mood for a bone. He plastered a goofy smile on his face and gave it the old college try, but alas, fears of poking the baby, traumatizing the baby, and sullying the sacred womb left him unable to perform. So, she and I laughed about it and moved on to a discussion about the adorable baby boy clothes at the Gap.

But as my husband and I were lying in bed that night, I thought back to a moment during my first trimester, when my husband suddenly stopped mid-coitus, convinced that one of our babies had "kicked his dong." Forget the fact that they each weighed about a half-ounce at this point, and that there was the womb equivalent of Fort Knox between the babies and his unit -- he was sure that our boys were telling him to get the hell out of their house!

No surprise, it took another month or so for us to get back on the horse, but we got there, and as far as I was concerned, all was well. Or was it? Was I imagining things, or did he too often have a fake, goofy grin on his face during sex? What about when I asked if he thought my belly was cute and he kept repeating, "Awww, our babies are in that belly!" Did I hear a yes in there?

Not able to shake my curiosity, I told him my friend's story and asked him, point-blank, "Is my pregnancy kind of a turn-off?" And my sweet husband, very diplomatically, said, "I still think you're so pretty and I'm still attracted to you, but the fact that my babies are in there kind of freaks me out." He went on to say that it wasn't as much of an issue when my belly was just a pooch, but now that I've popped, it's a constant reminder that his sons are growing and living inside of me.

Soooo, it looks like we have a four-month dry spell to look forward to (longer if you factor in the inevitable sleep deprivation that comes with the care of two newborns), and I know that I'm not alone. A study done last year found that sex declines for most during pregnancy, especially during the third trimester. Between back pain, body insecurities, and baby-squooshing anxiety, I don't know any pregnant chicks who are really in the mood for headboard-banging, wild-animal lovemaking anyway, much less the standard ol' sexual fare. The real question though: Is your husband?

How much sex do you have during pregnancy?

Image via Jenniferschwaim/Flickr

fathers, pregnant sex & relationships, the pregnant life


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nonmember avatar Cynthia

My husband and I enjoyed a great sex life throughout my pregnancies after I got past the first trimester exhaustion and sickness! He enjoyed how responsive I was because of all the hormones and his biggest concern was how comfortable I was. It was also nice not having to worry about getting pregnant because we already were and it was something we wanted. Not like the little voice in your head when you're not wanting a baby at that time and even if you're using protection you know there's still that tiny chance. It was kind of freeing.

nonmember avatar WRENA

This article made me feel not so insecure. Its been 4 1/2 months since the husband and I have been made love. He has come up with many excuses. Time to ask the big question now.. "Is he afraid of hurting the babY" lol... so funny how they think those things.

sassy... sassykat122

Just remind him after those babies are out of there that there's a mandatory at least four weeks of nada and you're likely to stick to your guns then (i.e. not even a hand or BJ) if he doesn't give you some now lol

JessL... JessLogansMommy

Both of my pregnancies didn't hinder our sex life all that much, except for when I was on bed rest with my first.  With my second, we kept on until 2 days before I delivered.  The only time my husband said anything was when my doctor said "I can tickle the baby's head", that freaked him out but my water broke hours later so it wasn't even an issue.  If it bothered him at all, then he was a real trooper and kept it to himself.  

nmmama09 nmmama09

Our sex life didn't suffer when I was pregnant. Of course there were times when I didn't want him anywhere near me, but the times when I was feeling frisky, my SO was game!

tyrel... tyrelsmom

Didn't bother my DH. But I had no desire the last couple of months.

bsawy... bsawyer84

If I were pregnant and my boyfriend said ANYTHING as ignorantly, stupidly, clueless as that he would get his "dong" kicked and not by a baby.

ready... readyforbaby3

my first two pregnancies i usually didn't have much of a drive during the first trimester but afterwards sex was normal. with this 3rd pregnancy my libido has been pretty good even in the first trimester but DH doesn't seem to be in the mood. He is very busy and tired alot for one thing, but I had some bleeding the day after we had sex and had to have a sono, i think that pretty much freaked him out...so there goes our sex life for now..lol

allie... alliesmom112

At about the 6 month mark we pretty much stopped. It totally freaked dh out once I really started showing.

nonmember avatar Erica

It definitely freaked my hubby out too. He just couldn't get over the fact that the baby was "RIGHT THERE". It stunk because I was super horny while pregnant too. Now that I am breastfeeding I have ZERO interest and he is up for it all the time. Sorry buddy!

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