pteq pregnancy testIf you're one of those peed on one pregnancy test, peed on 'em all kind of gals, get ready to feel like you've been living in the dark ages. The pee stick's gone USB! It's a hypochondriac trying to get pregnant's dream!

See, you're used to wiping and washing your hands while that bad boy does its little "one line or two" magic on the counter, but the PTeq Pregnancy Test ($17.99 at Think Geek) gets plugged into your computer, urine stain and all. Technically it does the same thing as a regular test -- you know, tells you whether it's time to call him Daddy or pour yourself a glass of wine -- but it does it with Charlie Sheen intensity.

You get detailed hormone charts that are supposed to be this thing's nifty way of telling you your bun is cooking! Plus, it "claims" it can tell you if you're having multiples and predict your due date. With this thing, you might as well skip the call to the doctor and put your feet up for nine months. The computer's got it under control (and now smells faintly of urine)!

Which is exactly what freaks me out about this whole gadget. Didn't anyone ever see 2001: A Space Odyssey? Hal was not a cool dude. And don't get me started on Watson -- seeing his "mind" work on Jeopardy was enough to convince me I don't want to meet him in a white lab coat with a stethoscope in hand. Do we really want one of those "guys" claiming our pee means we're having triplets and freaking us out with too much information?

I'm just an old-fashioned girl. I know the doctor or midwife is probably going to do the same thing in his office with my pee. But somehow, I feel safer with his margin of error than my inside the bathroom disasters.

And frankly, I don't need to know the "exact concentration" of HCG (that's Human Chorionic Gonadotropin in case you cared to know -- no? sorry, me neither) in my pee. I just need to know that there's enough there to start placing the calls to the OB/GYN, ya dig? Because as anyone who has ever been afraid of having sex while preggers comes to realize, there is no "more pregnant." Either you are, or you're not.

I'm all for informed mamas taking the driver's seat in their pregnancy, but please, give me a regular old $4 special from the grocery store. I prefer my computer to remain pee-free. Fortunately it will -- these are a joke.

What do you think? Too much information or awesome tool for moms?

 

Image via Think Geek