Sorry to disappoint you pregnant and TTC ladies, but NASA researchers have found it is not a good idea to get pregnant in space. The cosmic radiation would harm his little swimmers and most likely sterilize your unborn fetus. Wait! What if the future is space living? That means no kids?!? Getting knocked up would be reserved for Mother Earth only. (Makes sense when you think about it.)
Science bloggers everywhere are having a field day with this finding, giggling like schoolgirls hearing the word "ejaculation" for the first time.
DailyTech, for instance, had some fun with its lede:
Looking to penetrate deep into realms where scientists seldom explore, NASA ... explored the logistics of sex and procreation in space. Their conclusions? It would be hard -- very hard.
That's what she said! Here are some other "hard"-hitting reports on the news.
In the GearFuse article playfully titled "Infertility Concerns May Leave Space Colonization Hopes Barren," author James Walker points out that any manned mission to Mars would take roughly 214 days. "There are D&D fans (including this writer, sadly) that have gone longer than seven months without making the beast with two backs, so one would think that trained astronauts could easily practice self-restraint while hurtling towards the Red Planet." Hmm ... there are probably D&D fans who have gone a lot longer than seven months. Oh, snap!
Even British newspaper The Independent couldn't help but make a crack after delivering a pretty straightforward wrap-up of the news: "Only once has a husband and wife been on the same mission -- Jan Davis and Mark Lee -- and they have remained tight-lipped over whether they joined the 62-mile high club." Tee, hee.
Granted, this is coming from VH1's spoofy blog, but BestWeekEver.tv quips, "Let's discuss how awful it would be to try [to] give birth with no gravity. That would be horrifying. The delivery room would look like the inside of a lava lamp." Thank you for that imagery.
DailyTech also mentions the reproductive danger of solar flares, which it describes as "giant squirts of matter and energy from the sun during periods of intensely hot solar activity." Ew.
Settle down, kids. We get it: Sex in space is funny. And it can't be very easy, given the whole zero gravity thing, so I'm going to agree with James Walker that astronauts should just spank the monkey a million times before going where no man has gone before.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Image via terren in Virginia/Flickr