10 Best Comebacks to Stupid Pregnancy Comments

on February 21, 2011 at 9:32 AM

I was violently ill for most of my pregnancies, yet I still managed to gain 60+ pounds each and every time. Kind of a medical marvel ... Go me! I was big. Real big.

I hit my pregnancy low when shopping at Marshall's while nine months pregnant with my third. It was December and the store was mobbed. By the time I got to the checkout, I was in dire need of a nap and in no mood for polite conversation. The clerk didn't seem to grasp that. She looked up from the register and audibly gasped, "You're sure you don't have an elephant in there? You're HUGE!"

So, I punched her in the face and left.

OK, not really, but I wanted to. Badly. Some things are better just left unsaid to an expectant mom. Things like this:

1. You look like you're about to explode! Really? I had no idea. I was feeling quite svelte today. Thanks for the earth shattering observation.

2. Can I touch your belly? Sure! It's totally acceptable to grope a stranger's body. Why not feel me up, too, while you're at it?

3. You can't possibly have X months left! Wow! You know so much about this! I should just quit going to my OB and come straight to you!

4. Are you sure you don't have twins in there? Yes, I'm pretty sure I would be aware if I were carrying two babies. But, thanks for checking.

5. Are you going to breastfeed? And ... this impacts you how?? DId you want to taste the milk?

6. You are absolutely having a boy/girl. Really? You want to see the ultrasound? Take your old wives tales and shove 'em.

7. Should you be eating/drinking that? Should you be allowed to speak?

8. Are you happy? Well, no. I'm terrified out of my mind. But do you really want to know that? What a stupid question.

9. Did you plan this? Do I look like I planned this? And, mind your own damn business.

10. Wow! You're going to have your hands full! I'm going to jump off a bridge now. Thanks.

What's wrong with people?! Did you hear any whoppers while pregnant? Let's hear them!

Filed Under: 1st trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester, baby prep, emotions, weight gain

Comments (186)

kaylaird

on Feb 21, 2011 at 9:37 AM

I actually posted something very similar to this on my blog the other day, lol! I totally agree! It's like people lose their brains when they talk to pregnant women. >.<

It's SO frustrating! I wrote some comebacks too. :) They're on this link. :) They are a little more angry and forceful, but I completely sympathize and understand what you're going through! BUH!

http://kaylaird.wordpress.com/2011/02/19/hormones-are-raging-so-be-warned/

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Nonmember comment from Racy

on Feb 21, 2011 at 9:41 AM

I used this...while laughing, but with some zing...."You're huge!" "Sure, but I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

on Feb 21, 2011 at 9:53 AM

Lol, Racy, I love it! :D

Facebook comment from Michelle Smith

on Feb 21, 2011 at 9:59 AM

I was 7 SEVEN MONTHS pregnant and a creepy teacher at the school I worked at kept saying "wow, you're ready to go, any day now, huh? Hope you don't give birth HERE." Um, I told you yesterday I'm not due for at least 8 more weeks. You have kids. Now I know why you're divorced. I also told him there was no way in hell I'd give birth there, the floors were always FILTHY.

Nonmember comment from Sarah

on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:12 AM

"Twins huh? Well don't get too excited, my friend was pregnant with twins and one absorbed the other one."

Nonmember comment from Jessica

on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:14 AM

A co-worker and so called friend referred to my ankles as livestock feet. Nothing makes a pregnant woman more furious than being referred to as an animal. Sure, I was bloated and felt enormous but DID NOT need to hear that from others! Here were my Top 10 pregnancy realities. http://theunemployedmom.com/2009/04/20/top-10-pregnancy-realities/

Facebook comment from Ali Mills

on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:15 AM

One woman asked me if my cervix had dialated any. That was creepy. Another time, a woman at a store said, "Oh, you are having twins!!! Right???" I replied through clenched teeth, no, but thanks for making my day. She kept on going though, saying, but your belly is so big, I just thought.....I snapped and said, "OK, that's enough! Please stop talking!"

Nonmember comment from Care

on Feb 21, 2011 at 10:16 AM

Every time someone I didn't know asked me if I would nurse, I said I planned to feed him Pepsi. Why does anyone want to know what I'm doing with my boobs??

After telling my daughter's bus driver I was expected triplets she congratulated me by saying "I'd get my husband's hunting rifle and shoot myself." Not exactly what I was expecting to hear.
Great post!

starrsitter

I know that this kind of post is meant to be humorous (and is!), but I think it also makes light of the comfort with which people question the decisions/intelligence of women, especially pregnant women and new mothers. How many of these same people would walk up to any other perfect stranger and question what they were doing/eating or ask incredibly personal questions?