Exclusive 'Snow White & the Huntsman' Clip (VIDEO)
Arrest in Etan Patz Missing Child Case (VIDEO)
A Chilling Past Life Experience Recounted
Controversy: Gwen Stefani Bleaches Her Son's Hair
A '50 Shades of Grey' Shortcut for Busy Moms
Latest on Baby in Washing Machine Case (VIDEO)
Are People Who Eat Organic Judgy & Mean?
A Dad's Perspective on Playdates
Bagged Salad Recall Sparks New Fears
Help Dying 4-Year-Old Fulfill His Bucket List (VIDEO)
Melissa McCarthy & Sandra Bullock's Buddy Cop Movie
Do Working Moms Have It Easy?
Your Morning Coffee Could Save Your Life
Join the Fight Against Toxic Kids' Products
8 Summery Sweet Popsicles You Can Make at Home
When you're pregnant, there are a lot of things you think you're supposed to do. One of these, thanks to the many books and websites out there that both help and scare you, is to make a birth plan. What to Expect When You're Expecting advises you to not only discuss such a plan with your doctor and come up with a written agreement, but to make sure it becomes part of your chart and to bring several copies with you to the delivery room.
I have news for you. No one gives a damn about your birth plan.
For the first six months or so of my pregnancy, I remember people asking me about my birth plan. Not having a clue about this so-called agreement, I would say I was having my baby in a hospital where a doctor I very much like practices and that's all I know. I figured that was all I needed to know at the time.
But as I started to get deeper into pregnancy books and read about what would actually happen in the delivery room, I got curious about the birth plan, so I downloaded one of those checklists from the Internet to share with my husband.
The choices were endless: external vs. internal fetal monitoring, acupuncture vs. reflexology for pain management, squatting bar vs. birthing stool, and so on. Were all of these options really available to us? Was delivery really an a la carte service?
Not quite. When I printed the thing out and showed it to one of the doctors in my OB/GYNn's practice, she basically laughed in my face. She saw the six-page document and told me to tear it up. Why? Because you can't plan your baby's birth. You can dim the lights and play music (if they'll let you), but your baby is going to decide when and where and how she comes out.
Curious if this is how other health professionals felt, I came across a heavily viewed post in which a maternity ward nurse admitted that her colleagues laugh every time they see a patient waving that document around. The other commenters were horrified. I was dismayed, but certainly not shocked. If you think about how many times you've spent hours in a busy waiting room or how many calls you've made about missing blood work or sonogram results or how many stacks of blue folders are sitting on top of that nurses' station, do you think anyone actually has the time to read through and commit to your precious birth plan?
Ultimately, I did not come up with a written or verbal birth plan. My baby came early, so I didn't even get to discuss my wishes with my doctor beforehand, and I wouldn't have changed a thing. We were first-time parents just flying blind and that only added to the excitement of the labor experience instead of making us anxious. Plus, we got dim lights and music privileges without having to issue a memorandum to anyone.
That approach may not work for everyone, and I hope for the sake of the women who do want to be more prepared that their doc respects the plan. You just have to accept that the plan can always change.
Is your doc open to a birth plan? Would it bother you if she's not?
Image via cantaloupe99/Flickr
Emma Lives with Severe Food Allergies
How to Pack a No-Waste Lunch
Memorial Day Survival Guide
Backstage at Mamma Mia! with Irene Bunis
Comments (59)
When I was preggers? I didn't read "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I didn't go to lamaze classes. I didn't watch labor videos. I didn't write out a birth plan. I toured the maternity ward because pre-registering and getting the paperwork out of the way would mean smooth sailing into a room when the time came. And ya know what? You know what to do when the time comes. You are hardwired to get this watermelon out. Its great if you have a birth plan but just be prepared that none of it will get done the way you wanted
I had a birth plan, not written out or obsessive, but just an idea of my preferences. No epidural, no medication, intermittent monitoring, that sort of thing. My MW requested that I do so, and the hospital I delivered at made you fill one out with your paperwork anyways. I don't think they're pointless, I just think all women should keep in mind, things change in a heartbeat.
I wrote out a birth plan because there were things that I knew that I wanted. I knew that they was a chance for none of them to happen but I was happy about it. I had a copy for my file at the hospital and also one that was on the station in my room. I wasn't able to do some of the things I wanted due to my water breaking and no contractions(i really wasn't wanting to be induced unless it was mandatory and wanted to labor in a tub). But I applaud the nurses and my doctor for following my wishes to the best that the situation allowed. Each time they changed nurses the new ones would ask me about it or before they would be doing something. I think that for some people they are a good thing but only if you go into it knowing that everything can change so easily and not get upset over somethings.
No birth plan...And I do have to say-unfortunately there are alot of mom's to be who end up in a major emotional funk because things didn't go exactly to their "ideal fantasy" of birthing.
Some things in life can't be confined to checklists..
For my first appointment, my doctor's office gave me a birth plan sheet. The keyword here is "plan", not agreement. The office and the kiosk at the hospital kept a copy of my birth plan. It was nothing extravagant, just general things I may or may not want, e.g., dim lights, silence, epidural, etc.
Granted, when I went into labor the plan wasn't on my mind, but when I look back at how smooth everything went and how all the staff accommodated me, everything went according to the birth plan.
IMO, a birth plan would probably work for pregnancies that aren't high risk or where there aren't or haven't been complications (in the pregnancy).
some people care about birth plans, not many. i didnt have one. i also pre-registered and took a tour, i got a dvd of lamaz classes because i didnt want to go into the hospital for those. i knew what i wanted but guess what? all the went out the window. why? because i had a preemie. the only thing that happened that i wanted was no epi. the rest i went along with because it was what was best for my baby and me. women need to relax these days, they pre-plan everything so obsessivly, why? why not just RELAX and GASP.....enjoy the day your baby is born.
I had one. In fact, the midwives I used encouraged it. They gave us sample ones. It was less of "Fairyland ideal of what we want our birth to be like" and more like "what are your preferences when it comes to pain control, medications, laboring positions, etc.".
What I'm trying to say is you MAY HAVE A BIRTH PLAN and not be a control freak. Sometimes it's more than a "precious birth plan." And, as a matter of fact, since my midwives respected me as a woman and new mother, THEY DID READ MY BIRTH PLAN. Ahead of time, even! And review it with me at prenatal visits! The nerve! And it wasn't because we were obsessive. It wasn't because we were control freaks. it's because it's easier on them sometimes to know ahead of time what we want. When you are in labor, the last thing you want to do is answer those damn questions. Sheesh.
For the record? The "What to Expect" Series is utter crap. Do people still read that nonsense?
YOU pay the doctor to work for YOU and should care about WHATEVER you tell them to regarding your birth, and if one had the gall to laugh at me wanting a birth plan, He/She would NO LONGER be getting paid by me. and I would tell them just that.