People just can't keep their mouths shut at the sight of a baby bump, and that's okay. You're proud of your bump and you deserve a little recognition, but let's face it: Some things are better left unsaid to a pregnant woman. (Sensitivity levels are often through the roof.)
Here, gathered from actual incidents that happened to either me or someone I know, are the 10 things a pregnant woman does not want to hear:
1. "Are you sure you're not carrying twins?" I know plenty of moms-to-be who've gotten this one after a sonogram has definitely confirmed that there's only one baby in there. I heard it at six months from a woman at the deli counter, and I was barely showing. Maybe she was trying to deter me from buying cold cuts (which I wasn't!).
2. "You're getting an epidural, right?" or some subtle attempt to influence your birth plan. Whether you've opted for a home birth or the hospital, there's always going to be someone to warn you against it. But hopefully where there's someone to deter you, there are five people to cheer you on.
3. "Watch out for the baby!" at the sight of a swinging door or a clumsy stranger. As if we are not aware of the giant protrusion with a heartbeat.
4. "Are you sure you can eat that?" I don't know how many times I had to explain that I could in fact drink coffee and eat a California roll. Sure, there are certain things we're advised not to eat, but trust us to know what they are, and don't shame us if we're being naughty!
5. "Have you thought of a name?" Maybe it's just me, but I think baby naming is a very personal thing and I didn't want anyone to influence my decision for fear that I'd hear something like, "Susan? I knew a Susan in elementary school. She wet her pants during gym class. Never lived it down. Don't name your kid Susan."
6. "How are you feeling?" on repeat. The question itself is harmless, but I recall being asked this by the same person in passing every single day during my pregnancy, and it was clearly out of politeness. Did she really want to hear about scary-looking boobs, hemorrhoids, and constipation? I'm guessing not.
7. "You're having a ... boy!" I don't know why people, especially older female strangers, feel the need to guess the sex of your baby. The old wives' tale that a woman who carries all the way around is having a girl is just that.
8. "When my wife was in the hospital, there was a woman next door who had a heart attack during labor!" or some other totally unhelpful horror story. Seriously, we have enough to worry about.
9. "Get plenty of sleep now ... because you won't sleep again for a long, long time." While the latter is true, I think people forget that it's very hard to sleep, as tired as you may be, during pregnancy, thanks to the increased weight, the recommendation that you sleep on your left side and a giant body pillow that creates a lovely dividing line between you and your husband.
10. "You blew up overnight!" It's one thing to hear this from your husband, who is qualified to evaluate the changing size of you belly on a day-to-day basis, but it's creepy to hear this from the UPS guy, for example, who is probably sizing up your ballooning boobs as well. Ew.
Surely, these aren't all the maddening things a pregnant woman has heard. What drives you nuts?
Image via teresawer/Flickr