Infertiles, Let Yourself Wallow at Christmas

Amy Kuras
4

Christmas with infertility just sucks. I mean, there's no nice way to say it, no pretty face to put on it ... it just plain sucks. As much as you love your nieces and nephews and watching them squeal with joy over their gifts, it can also be a painful reminder of what you want so much and so far don't have. 

And the passing of another year brings out that you were sure, absolutely positively sure, that you would have a baby this year ... and yet. No baby.

Sorry ... kinda bumming you out even more, huh?

Resolve, the National Infertility Association, posted something on their Facebook wall the other day suggesting that infertile folks should, well, drop the "shoulds" this holiday. Instead of trying to force yourself to feel happy, let yourself feel rotten. I mean, you do anyway, right? Why make yourself feel worse by trying to make yourself feel better?

At the same time, you can leave yourself open for the happiness that is there for you, because there is always something ... that way it feels like even more of a gift.

This flies in the face of all that "be positive, just relax, it'll happen, blah blah blah." It's just so invalidating. Infertility is a life crisis. And feelings are not bad ... how you act on them might be, but having negative, dark, gloomy feelings is a normal human reaction to a really bad, unfair situation. So ... growling at your happy little nieces and nephews and telling them Santa doesn't like them very much and is fake to boot? That's a bad way to act on normal feelings.

But simply having the feelings ... and maybe having to escape to the bathroom to have a little cry before coming back and joining the family fun with a smile? You're okay, and a braver person than many of the people scolding you about what your feelings should be in your situation.

How are your coping with infertility this holiday?


Image via pennajoe123/Flickr

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