Waiting until the holidays to announce you're pregnant tends to put the crankiest of pregnant women on edge. Believe me. Been there, done that, realized there's some unwritten law about telling the world before you tell his parents. It's guaranteed to keep your firstborn on the naughty list forever.
But unless you're just waiting for the one time the family will be together to share the good news face-to-face, announcing your pregnancy during the holidays without sounding like a diva can be tough. It's everyone's holiday, and here you are stealing their thunder. You can try to be gracious about their "oooh, I got into law school announcement," but let's face it, announcing your pregnancy during the holidays is an all-out all-about you fest.
So you might as well milk it for all it's worth! You won't get to play diva like this again until you're shopping for that mother of the bride dress. Here's how to play it:
For maximum pampering, arrange with your partner to arrive at the party on time for once. It wouldn't hurt if he carried you over the threshold to prove to everyone you're so in lurrrv. Once there, make a lot of noise about how you have an announcement to make, so everybody better hurry into the living room (yes, even you with your hands wrist-deep in stuffing . . . the food can wait).
There's no way they'll know what's coming (ahem), so be sure to advise everyone they'll need a glass of champagne at the ready. It would be best if you brought a few bottles yourself just in case your thoughtless host didn't read your mind. Don't forget to throw in a sparkling grape juice bottle for you -- and put it front and center in the fridge with special instructions for the pourer. Swear him/her to secrecy with a wink and a nudge, but don't tell them why for cripes sakes, geeeeeez!
Once everyone is gathered, make a show of needing a chair to sit in. You can't be expected to plop that pregnant behind on the floor and then get up. So what if you're not showing yet, these people must understand there is an altered center of gravity. And how dare they expect you to stand? You're doing the work of 10 men just building this baby.
Which they don't technically know about yet, but that's coming. Sheesh, don't you want to build some anticipation here?
Now that they're here, you're in your princess-y perch and the smoke alarm is screaming because you forced your mother-in-law away from the oven when she was just about to get the pie, make a grand show of rubbing your belly and doing a lot of winking to make it look like you're crying. You've known about this for weeks, but you must give this moment the emotion it's due.
Allow your partner to begin telling it, but then interrupt. This is your time, darn it, and he should NOT steal all the glory. Does he think he's special because he did a little shove, shove, grunt, grunt? He hasn't been eating Saltines and guzzling ginger ale in the weeks since.
But don't let that show. You can grip his hands so hard they turn blue just to keep him from talking, but remember what I said about how in luuuurv you are? Yeah, keep that going. It will keep the "awww, how sweet" comments a-flowing.
And that's what you want, isn't it? The gushing. The promises to babysit. The assurances that you'll be the very best Mommy ever, ever, ever? Sounds like the best Christmas ever . . . for you anyway. Your friends and family might hate you forever.
Do you know this woman?
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