'I'm Pregnant and Addicted to Drugs'

Marj Hatzell

sepia tv guide
What's on TV tonight?
Did you ever watch that show on Discovery Health, I'm Pregnant and ... ? It's been on for a while, I know. I don't watch much television so shows are usually cancelled before I have even heard of them. I'm lame and I read books and play with my kids and stuff. SHEESH. But I've gotten rather addicted to this show lately and I've been watching it religiously since they've put it on reruns like crazy. And if you're addicted to it, too, you might wanna get to watching it, since Oprah is about to take over the world and Discovery Health will become the Oprah Worlddomination Network (OWN) in January. Just sayin'.

Anywho, THIS SHOW. It's like a bad car wreck, you can't help but peek through your fingers at it because it's so painful to watch. And yet mildly amusing at the same time.

Sample topics? There are the rather interesting ones like "I'm Pregnant and a Quadriplegic." (Wowsers. What that woman went through.) There are the sad ones like "I'm Pregnant and Have Cancer" or "I'm Pregnant and HIV Positive." There are the ridiculous ones like "I'm Pregnant and a Nudist." Guess what? YOUR BABY WAS BORN A NUDIST, TOO. It's not that weird!

And there are a few that are kinda, "Oh really? Hmmm ... you don't say." Like, "I'm Pregnant and Have OCD" or "I'm Pregnant and Bi-Polar." Yeah, they're interesting but I already TOLD you that most pregnant women have OCD. Sheesh. (And before you get angry, guess what? I have OCD and I'm being treated for bi-polar disorder. And I didn't make a show about it. Chew on that for a while.)

The ones that really get my goat? The ones that really tick me off? "I'm Pregnant and a Drug Dealer." "I'm Pregnant and Addicted to Drugs." "I'm Pregnant and an Alcoholic." Ladies. Let's discuss this for a minute. You know the baby grows inside, right? And that your baby gets all of its nutrients from its mother, yes? And that anything you put in your body pretty much goes to the baby? If you know drugs and alcohol and risky behavior are bad for you, WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU GET PREGNANT AND SUBJECT A CHILD TO IT? Don't be so stupid! And don't tell me that it was an accident. We all know pregnancy is preventable. Birth control works pretty well, most of the time. And then there's that common knowledge about not having sex with junkies and pimps. Oh you didn't know that? IT'S TRUE, Y'ALL.

While some of the topics have ranged from amusing to awful, the worst ones are just plain irresponsible. There is no other word for it. Some of them should be called, "I'm Pregnant and a Completely Irresponsible Moron." Of course, we silly Americans like our reality television and the more train-wrecky (Is that a word? IS NOW) the reality, the more folks have a propensity for watching. There is a good side-effect when watching it, you know. Watching some of those episodes makes me feel like MOTHER OF THE YEAR. And I'm just a plain, ole, simple mom who does normal stuff. You know, like eat vegetables and exercise and not drink when pregnant. BORING. They'd never make a reality show out of me.

What says you? Seen any good episodes lately?

Image via Marj Hatzell

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