'Teen Mom' Amber Gives Us Best Birth Control Idea Ever


amber portwood teen momTeen Mom star Amber Portwood officially gets the award for reality star whose screw ups have most affected their child this year (Jon and Kate are so 2009). So let's raise a glass in her direction for coming up with the best new anti-pregnancy device out there!

Portwood sat through nine hours with a tattoo artist to get a picture of daughter Leah's face that covers her entire belly.

What, you thought we meant she finally discovered some common sense? Oh, don't be so silly; for teens -- and idiots -- this really may be the better option. Check it out:

Amber Portwood TattooNow imagine one of those after nine months of stretching. Not the prettiest of thoughts. Not only is the skin going to stretch pretty quickly, quite possibly distorting the heck out of that thing, but stretch marks are heck on ink. They spread across the stomach, completely marring all that hard (and expensive) work forever.

If you're of the mind that scaring the crap out of teens is the way to go, then one picture of that version of the tattoo could effectively terrify every teen girl out there straight out of sex for their lifetime.

Yes, Portwood could truly be on to something here. She's in trouble with the law, temporarily lost custody of her daughter and been linked to a host of bad boys in recent weeks. If there is a deity out there, He/She is screaming "no, no, no, please don't let that girl have another baby." The first one has got enough baggage (we could start with the conversation about how she's on Mommy's belly instead of inside?).

If anyone could use a pregnancy deterrent, it's Portwood, but she doesn't have a monopoly on the idea.

In fact, this may be a better option than banning idiot criminals from getting pregnant. Make them get belly tattoos. If they ever want to wear a bikini again, they'll make the reproductive decision themselves.

MTV would do well to throw a free tat into the pot for every future star of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. And if you're one of those women who just does not want to ever end up a mother, you could head guys off at the "will you be my baby mama" pass by lifting you shirt.

All you ladies owe a big thanks to Amber for her birth control lessons. Now let's hope she heeds it. 


Images via MTV/The Star


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JenBr... JenBrooks76

Ugh faces should not be allowed as tattoos! Maybe as a memorial for someone who has died...but a date or symbol of that person would still be better than their picture stuck in one moment of time forever on your body.

jagam... jagamama0710

I agree. I have never seen a good portrait tattoo. Ever. They always look awful.

jalaz77 jalaz77

God what us wrong with her....she can barely furnish a place for her and Leah but spends how much on a tattoo that looks awful!!! I have seen some beautiful portraits on some people but they only stay looking nice for awhile, aging, sun and people just don't take care of them.

RanaA... RanaAurora

I have only seen maybe one or two portrait tattoos EVER that look good, and they're by world-reknown artists... why? Because it takes an AMAZING tattoo artist to not make it look terrible... and THAT belly tattoo is HIDEOUS.

lizzeh lizzeh

at least she doesn't look like a zombie. Lmao.

gou18 gou18

what about a tattoo that says our baby's face here !!  rolling on floor

Spawn... Spawn_Love

Somebody put that girl out of her misery already. (Not the baby) That tattoo is just godawful.

Lissete Diaz

wow. that tat is horrible.. i have a tat on my stomach, a lot of people were like wtf lissete dont do that shit youre stupid but at least its not THAT bad lmao... and ts not a portrait haha

Kittt... Kittty_Katt

wow whom ever wrote this youe so stupid find something better to waste internet space...

gogetem gogetem

hahaha!  I love the sarcastic tone.  Really poorly drawn tattoo, by the way.  Scary  0_0

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