Teen Mom star Amber Portwood officially gets the award for reality star whose screw ups have most affected their child this year (Jon and Kate are so 2009). So let's raise a glass in her direction for coming up with the best new anti-pregnancy device out there!
Portwood sat through nine hours with a tattoo artist to get a picture of daughter Leah's face that covers her entire belly.
What, you thought we meant she finally discovered some common sense? Oh, don't be so silly; for teens -- and idiots -- this really may be the better option. Check it out:
Now imagine one of those after nine months of stretching. Not the prettiest of thoughts. Not only is the skin going to stretch pretty quickly, quite possibly distorting the heck out of that thing, but stretch marks are heck on ink. They spread across the stomach, completely marring all that hard (and expensive) work forever.
If you're of the mind that scaring the crap out of teens is the way to go, then one picture of that version of the tattoo could effectively terrify every teen girl out there straight out of sex for their lifetime.
Yes, Portwood could truly be on to something here. She's in trouble with the law, temporarily lost custody of her daughter and been linked to a host of bad boys in recent weeks. If there is a deity out there, He/She is screaming "no, no, no, please don't let that girl have another baby." The first one has got enough baggage (we could start with the conversation about how she's on Mommy's belly instead of inside?).
If anyone could use a pregnancy deterrent, it's Portwood, but she doesn't have a monopoly on the idea.
In fact, this may be a better option than banning idiot criminals from getting pregnant. Make them get belly tattoos. If they ever want to wear a bikini again, they'll make the reproductive decision themselves.
MTV would do well to throw a free tat into the pot for every future star of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. And if you're one of those women who just does not want to ever end up a mother, you could head guys off at the "will you be my baby mama" pass by lifting you shirt.
All you ladies owe a big thanks to Amber for her birth control lessons. Now let's hope she heeds it.
Images via MTV/The Star