Let's face it: no one likes baby showers, unless you are the guest of honor. And even then it can be kind of awkward opening gift after gift with all eyes on you.
And let's talk about those baby gifts. Some of us are having children after we're already pretty well established these days. And we all research the heck out of everything before we even walk into the giant baby store. But times are hard, and most of us with a shred of decency would feel a little uncomfortable asking family members who might be dealing with seriously reduced income to buy us a $750 stroller or even the expensive glass BPA-free bottles.
Some couples are adjusting to the recession by throwing non-traditional baby showers. Some are doing co-ed parties with drinks and pool, making it more of a hangout occasion; others are asking only for diapers or books, or even for people to pass along their own no-longer-needed baby gear.
Other people are eliminating the gifts altogether, asking people to instead come with a promise of babysitting or a meal to be redeemed later. Or they turn it into a more spiritually focused event, asking guests to share prayers or hopes for the baby and mother as she prepares to give birth.
As grateful as I am for every single baby gift we received, many of which have become beloved treasures, what meant the most to me was the kindness and good wishes that came with each one. This new trend is a nice counterbalance to the awful, tacky, vulgar celebrity baby shower trend that some equally tacky, vulgar people feel they should emulate, with catered meals, fancy table settings, and an enormous guest list bearing truckloads of gifts.
These lower-key showers would also be great for second children or beyond; I know lots of people who flout the etiquette rule on second baby showers because they say every baby deserves to be celebrated. True ... and suggesting a shower with no gifts or small gifts would be an outstanding way to separate the gift-grabbers from the joyful baby-welcomers.
Would you have a no-gift baby shower?
Image via zAppledot (Jeremy Nicholson)/Flickr
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Comments 21
I am pregnant with my second baby, and I really didn't want to deal with a baby shower, so I'm waiting until two months after I give birth to do a "meet the baby" type thing. All I'm going to ask for is diapers.
Subsequent baby showers make me bristle - like ocmommy2two said, wait til after the baby has arrived and have a meet & greet - I part ways with her on gifts for that, though - totally inappropriate, IMHO.
I would love to see showers - bridal and baby - go the way of the dodo bird. I flat-out refused both, because I just find it tacky to make a list of stuff you want/need, and expect your friends and family to buy it for you. If someone feels you deserve a gift for the occasion, they will give you one, regardless of a shower.
I think that subsequent showers or showers that the mother-to-be throws for herself are tacky and annoying. I don't buy gifts for those. Just a card. I rarely attend a self-thrown shower. I mean, how inappropriate and gift-grabby can you get? Because let's be honest here. The point of a shower is to recieve gifts. That's what shower implies, be it a bridal shower or a baby shower. I wouldn't have minded not having a shower thrown for me, but it was a surprise. I am of the opinion that, if you have to ask for gifts to ensure that your baby will have everything he or she needs, you shouldn't be having a baby at this point in life. It is nobody else's responsibility to provide gifts and goods for your child.
That is sure to be an unpopular opinion, but oh well.
This is yet one more of those things that is relative. Personally I can't stand unbelievably expensive occasions be they weddings or showers or anything else. When you attend a wedding that cost enough to pay off your debt, it's tacky. I also find it tacky to have gourmet food at a baby shower or to ask for anything but clothes or diapers or to have a shower every time you have a baby. The idea of the shower is to help out first time parents with small gifts and advice. I can't imagine asking for furniture or for a $750 stroller. But again that is me and I'm not about to be a big enough jerk to tell someone if they are thrown a shower by people who care about them that they are begging for stuff for their baby and should not be allowed to have children. Nice attitude.
But what I really don't get are the meet and greet parties for a 6 week or 8 week old. Seriously?
A lady at the church DH attended worked with DH to set up a baby shower. A couple of people stopped by and dropped off a little something for the baby which was very much appreciated but my sisters didn't even bother coming. Why? Because someone from my husband's church set it up. My younger sister lived ONE BLOCK away, was home and STILL didn't come.
This baby was a surprise. We were not trying to get pregnant and when we did, I was in Korea. I came home to the US to have the baby. I barely had ANYTHING (we had given away most of our possessions before we left) much less stuff for a baby. I did keep the crib but it was recalled. Again, no one in my family did anything. And it's not even the stuff that's the big deal for me, it just would have been nice to have what to me was a big milestone (in the case of my first) celebrated. And I would have totally grabbed at any offers of help, especially with this one whose dad didn't get home from South Korea until a month ago and she's almost four months now.
I think of a baby shower as celebrating the baby, not the mom, so I don't think there should be a cap on how many showers you can or should have. However, I think for subsequent births, it's best to suggest something like a diaper shower, or ask that if people want to bring something, they bring a donation to a charity in the baby's name. I'd be fine with no gifts, but no way would my grandmother not roll over in her grave if I showed up to a shower without a gift or without lipstick on.
As for meet the baby parties, I think they're completely inappropriate and weird. I also don't like people "dropping by" to see how I'm doing. No one cares how I feel. They want to see the baby, and while I understand that, it's my baby and you better keep your grubby hands away from it. This means don't visit me, even if you come with a premade meal or willing to do some dishes! You're not welcome in my home without an expressed invitation until the baby is 6 months old and chances are, I won't invite you over then either. If I want to expose my baby to you, I'll come to you. Otherwise, I'll see you at his/her first birthday party and playdates to follow!
that sounds like a nice idea. to have someone bring food home is a blessing, even to offer to do some cleaning around is great.
I think the mom blessings are always a nice idea.