Whoever coined the phrase "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" must have been talking about a pregnant woman.
As pregnant singer Pink admitted after getting into a fight with another shopper at a Bed, Bath and Beyond, "I don' t really know where I'm at ... It changes hourly."
Fortunately, anything crazy that you do between conception and delivery is expected by the rest of the world. Just ask the 46 women who had some of the most bizarre mishaps during their pregnancies that we've ever heard of. Blame it on the hormones; they do:
1. One afternoon, my husband and I were out on a walk, and he said something that set me off. I was instantly mad and turned around to go the back way home and not talk to him. I snuck into the house and grabbed my purse and took off. He found me a couple hours later sitting by the water crying.
2. I had a crazy craving for some tomato and avocado sandwiches, only I was out of bread. I asked my husband to stop at the store on the way home. I then kicked him out of the house because he bought the wrong kind of bread. He told me they were out of the kind I like, and I told him he was a liar and to get out. I was so crazy, he did leave to let me cool down but then called later in the day to tell me I was being crazy, which of course just made me even more upset. Then, the next morning I went myself to the store and sure enough they were out of my favorite bread.
3. We lived in a townhouse when I was pregnant with my youngest. Our neighbor was single and constantly partied. His music would go all night long, and even if we called the cops nothing was done because he worked for the complex. One early Saturday morning I let my oldest play with pots and pans and bang on the walls, and right before we left for breakfast I turned the stereo on the loudest notch and played a Barney CD someone gave us.
4. I cried in the middle of the grocery store because they were out of the Homemade brand cookies and cream ice cream.
5. I cried at the mall because they didn't have a Sonic in there and I really, really, REALLY wanted some cheese sticks and onion rings. I was bawling!
6. On my birthday, I cried for over three hours.
7. I threw a water bottle at my husband when he said he was going to talk to my brother..
8. I yelled at the people in the drive thru for McDonald's because they didn't have the salads at 2 in the morning. I craved salads all through my pregnancy.
9. My husband's friend found out I had a secret stash of chocolate in my room so he snuck in and tried to steal it. I busted him and was furious (like steam coming from my ears eyes nose mad). I grabbed the nearest object -- which happened to be a broken golf club -- and beat him over the head and back to get him out of my room. He never messed with my chocolate again. Yes, he was fine. No injuries and I didn't hit him that hard.
10. It was 10 at night and I was craving Arby's. I sent my significant other to go get it. But by the time he came back, I wasn't hungry anymore and couldn't eat.
11. I sent my partner to pick up dinner at a Mexican fast food place. I ordered online so it would be faster. He tends not to check the order before leaving, so when he got home, the whole order was wrong. I threw one burrito in the trash, while crying and blaming him. Then 10 minutes later I ate the other one, still blaming him. When he tried to comfort me, I smacked him in the arm and pushed him away, telling him it was his fault. He didn't talk to me for an hour after that.
12. I was 37 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. I had insomnia. Well 2:25 a.m. rolled around and [I was] still wide awake. I was very uncomfortable sitting. I had restless leg syndrome, which made it difficult to sit still when laying down. I was craving a cherry slushie from the convenience store up the street from our house. It was a very warm night so I decided to walk up to the store.
13. I threw my remote against the wall because my significant other went to watch TV in the living room instead of our room. Wow, I just realized how crazy that sounds. At the time, I felt like I was completely justified in my actions.
14. In the later stages of pregnancy I craved (and I mean craved) dryer lint. I mostly resisted, but I did nibble on it a couple times. This is 100 percent true, 100 percent disgusting, and 100 percent humiliating!
15. About a week before having my son, I was meeting friends for brunch. The place we met (which I have been to several times) was too packed, so we decided to go another place which was a ways away but 1) near my house 2) ...kind of a landmark 3) somewhere I have been to eleventy billion times 4) and almost direct shot east of where we were.
You can't get lost between these two places unless you've never been the this city before. I was born here. First I went the wrong way on one street and didn't realize it until I was like three towns over. Then, I went the wrong way on another road. Which runs right by my house and which I probably drive more than any other; I know it like the back of my hand. Except that day. My poor friends thought I'd gone into labor.
16. Julie Bailey was arrested for holding up a Taco John's with a hammer while pregnant. Of course that could have been the alcohol.
17. I craved soap to the point where I would eat it and loved the taste. This happened a lot worse with my elder daughter and not as much with my second. I only took a bite twice, but that is how much I craved it.
18. I think the lawn got mowed like twice a day the entire week before I had my son. It didn't work! Lawn looked good, but I was still a week late with an emergency c-section after 19 hours of labor.
19. I cried my eyes out when my significant other brought back a burger with grilled onions in it. I wanted regular onions I guess?
20. I cut almost all my hair off! It was down to my butt, and I was just tired of it and chopped it off. That was 4 years ago, and to this day it will not grow further then my shoulders.
21. I guess I was about 20 weeks when this happened. I'd lost my car keys for over weeks. We searched the house high and low to try and find them. They were nowhere to be found. We finally gave up and we're just going to call the [dealer] to get a new set made. My husband had taken off work to take me to my 20-week appointment. I said hang on I want to get a bottle of water out of the fridge before we go. The water bottles were in the back of the fridge and when I pulled them out voila, there were my keys. I somehow thought it was a great idea to stuff my car keys all the way in the back of my refrigerator.
22. I started crying hysterically at 16 weeks because we didn't have a dresser for the baby yet. I was totally freaking out about it.
23. With my first one I had ordered the All Star Breakfast at Waffle House, and the waitress tried taking my waffle while I was eating from the other plate. I did what any self respecting, exhausted, swollen pregnant woman would do. I growled at her and stabbed at her hand with a fork. I think I was 8 months along at that time, swollen, tired, pre-eclamptic, and ticked off because I couldn't order my eggs sunny side up and had to get them scrambled. All I had left was my freakin' waffle, and she tried to take it.
24. I'm at 30 weeks, and the other night I cried, because I couldn't get my pajama pants on.
25. My husband [was] telling me about the paint on our bedroom wall, and I kept telling him, "It doesn't look grey it looks purple, like the color I already picked out, you may as well paint the whole room grey!" I was dead serious. I woke up the next morning to find out it does look grey, when the sun hits it, not purple. I cried over this, seriously bawled my eyes out, my husband just held me. I feel so bad for that man.
26. I spit on someone's car in the parking lot, for parking too close to my friend's car. I almost couldn't get in the car, pregnant belly and all.
27. Before I even knew I was pregnant (the day I found out, actually) I was craving Animal Fries from In N Out so bad. We went to Wal-Mart to buy the pregnancy test and then to In N Out. I wanted those fries so bad it hurt! Then when we got home I took the test, it comes out positive and all I [could do was] cry. Not because of the pregnancy but because I was now too nauseous to eat the fries I wanted so bad!
28. One morning I roll over and find my knee laying in a wet spot. The cat had peed in our bed. Again! So I take the sheets down to the laundry room to wash and there was some laundry on the floor and he had peed on that too. I lost it. He happened to be right there when I realized it. I picked him up, walked over to the cellar door, and tossed him onto the lawn. In that split second when he looked at me, so scared, I realized what I was doing and went to get him and he ran. To this day I regret it so terribly bad.
29. The only thing I can remember from my first pregnancy was I was so upset he didn't move the furniture. So I waited until he went to bed and rearranged the whole living room at 8 months pregnant and then proceeded to clean the ceiling. He wouldn't let me shovel or do anything! I was going nuts so I waited until he went to sleep.
30. I sat and cried because my mom told me she couldn't make the lettuce she makes for pot-pie. I sat and bawled my eyes out. I felt like such an idiot.
31. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I craved steak from Logan's. We went once a week to get me one. One week my ex didn't have the extra money to take me to get my steak. I was beyond pissed. I grabbed him up by the hood of his jacket and pushed him out the front door and told him not to come back till he brought me my "effing" steak. I didn't care if he had to wash the dishes to get it. He gave me this look and went and got me my steak.
32. When I was pregnant with my twins, we were living in an apartment. There were some collage guys living under us throwing a party and had their music blasting vibrating our whole apartment. This was at 11:30 at night. I was tired and was trying desperately to get my dd to go to sleep. I had all I could take. I waddled down the stairs, barged in their door and went straight to their stereo and cut the power cord with scissors.
33. During my first pregnancy I was staying at home while my husband worked. I was really lonely so I decided to go and get myself a beautiful beta fish. I went and spent about $40 on a $2 fish and LOVED looking at it. It was a beautiful purple, blue, and red fish. It would swirl around its tank on the middle of my coffee table. Two days after I bought my fish I got up in the morning and go out to the living room. I looked into the pretty glass bowl but my fish was no where to be found. Upon closer inspection I saw that my new "friend" was floating belly up on top of the water.
I called my husband immediately in complete hysterics. I was crying so hard he couldn't understand what was going on. In his panic he kept asking, "What's wrong? Is it the baby? Is the baby OK?" Finally after a few minutes of sobbing I gathered myself together enough to tell him that the baby was OK but that my fish had passed. He immediately started laughing which in turn made me cry even harder. He was sympathetic and offered to get me a new fish but I just couldn't stand the heartache of losing another beloved friend. Man what hormones will do to you!
34. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was getting ready for the baby shower in a hotel. I was in the bathroom and my hair wouldn't do something that I wanted it to do. I proceeded to throw all my make up around the bathroom, threw my flat iron and sat in the middle of the floor and cried.
35. I was in the grocery store. Money was pretty tight, and all I wanted was cereal but there wasn't any on sale. I had an all out breakdown and left the store crying. The next day I get home from work and my husband bought me a bunch of cereal and a flower. I think he was afraid of me.
36. I cried so hard while watching Finding Nemo. My fiance would play the commercial on his cell phone just to laugh while I teared up over Nemo's mommy dying.
37. While I was preggo with my first, my husaband took me out to "Henny Penny's" a little Mom and Pop diner. I was having a craving for an egg sandwich so that's what I ordered. When the waitress brought out my sandwich to my horror it had lettuce, onions and pickles on it. I went to pick it up and it spewed its "gooeyness" all over my hands.
I immediately began to cry, my poor husband turned flush red as everyone in the little diner stared at me. Our waitress immediately scooped up my sandwich and promised to get me a new one. She was so mortified she gave me pie and didn't make us pay for my sandwich! My DH still gets embarrassed when our trip to "Henny Penny's" comes up.
38. We had to go to a Christmas party for my hubby's (Navy) boat. He told me at the last minute, an hour before the party, that jeans were not allowed and all the maternity pants I had were jeans! I didn't have any dresses that fit. I kicked the closet door, sat down and cried while wearing only my bra and panties.
39. I was about 38 weeks pregnant with my son and was loading groceries into my car. This woman pulled up to get into the spot next to me. She started honking and screaming at me to get the f*$k outta the way. She pulled in, bumping my door and then scratching the paint all the way to the front! I asked for her insurance info because she was going to have to pay to fix it. She called me more names and stormed off. It was the middle of a spring heat wave, and she left her windows rolled down.
I took the extra bottle with breast milk in it and poured it onto her passenger seat. I pulled out of the spot and parked farther away where I thought she wouldn't see me and waited. She came out and hopped in the car with a friend. but this time she went into the passenger seat. She instantly jumped out, sniffed the seat and started screaming! I drove off while she was still ranting. I feel bad about it now but at the time it felt right.
40. A friend came over to use our computer to print up some stuff that he needed for studying. I didn't mind and while he did that he went on Facebook, browsed around the Internet, no problem right? Well after he left, I went to get on the comp and noticed that about 10 pages were open .... He had downloaded tons of porn to our computer and viruses with it! Since Facebook was still signed in, I posted each of the websites onto his page. I was about halfway done when people started commenting on them.
Oh man, his mother started going off on him! She said she was done with his porn problems and that she was going to tell his father and that they all were going sit down and talk. I guess she called him because he came back over and was freaking out. I explained to him what had happened and his face turned bright red! He is afraid to ask to use anything of ours now.
41. I was VERY sick. I wanted chicken noodle soup. But not just any chicken noodle soup, Progresso chicken noodle soup. Thing is I forgot to specify this for my husband and instead he brought back this tiny can of 28 cent generic soup. I ate it but it just didn't help to curb my craving.
So the next day I called him at work and asked him if he would bring home some chicken soup. He sounded confused and said, "I brought you chicken soup." I said I know but it wasn't the kind I wanted.
He groaned and said, "Honey, look, your cravings are changing every 20 minutes. Even if I were to bring this too you by the time I got off work, got to the store and got it to you, you wouldn't want it. So I'm sorry but no, you are just going to have to deal." I said OK and we hung up, kinda sad but whatever you know? Well by the time he got home from work I was so upset that the second he walked into our bedroom where I was laying down he didn't even get to say hello before I started screaming at him while sobbing hysterically, "YOU ARE SUCH A JERK!!!! All I wanted was some soup but you won't get it for me because you probably think I am just using you like your ex wife and that I only married you so you'll take care of me! I just wanted some soup and its not even for why you think. I don't feel good and my mom used to get me that kind of soup when I was sick and I WANT MY MOM!!!"
42. I had hair about in inch or 2 from my waist. I cut it to above my chin.
43. I flipped over a recliner with my now ex husband in it. Twice. But he deserved it. He called me fat.
44. I ate about half a bottle of ketchup everyday.
45. I would get McDonald's but only eat the burger and make my husband eat the bun because I didn't want to waste money.
46. I threw at full Dr. Pepper can at hubby right after I opened it. I missed on purpose, [but] the next words out of his mouth were "Whatever I did I'm sorry. And you're not gonna miss next time are you?"
Can you top this crazy?
Images via daquella manera/Flickr