Dear Pregnancy, It's Not Me. It's You ...

Annie Krasnow

Dear Pregnancy,

As I say goodbye to you once again, I have some parting words. While I'm grateful we met for the second time, I am more grateful we will never meet again. We had our our share of ups -- my weight went up and and I had many nights when I was up all night. And we definitely had our downs -- my motivation to exercise went down as did my tolerance for others.

Although the stint I spent with you felt like it would never end, I'm happy our short time together will give me a real lifetime of happiness. I say with all enthusiasm, "Good Riddance!" Here's what saying goodbye to you means to me ...

I learned ... I complain a lot about pregnant people being annoying, but that makes me an annoying pregnant person myself. That people get pissed when you don't want to breastfeed, but it's great to see women so passionate and opinionated. I'm not bored. They also are not fond of inductions. Oh well.

If you're a labor and delivery nurse, keep your opinions about untrimmed patients to yourself. Although, I found your tips helpful! I trim every time I go to the OB/GYN and I'm excited to be groomed for labor. People were really nice about my friend coming to my delivery. I'm excited so many people were rooting for him and I can't wait for him to join me.

I will not miss... peeing every time I sneeze, having outrageously intense heartburn, my ass giggling when I walk, my constant runny nose, wearing corny clothes, and my husband's annoying comments that he thinks are compliments. Yesterday he told me I was "hardy." Really?

I cannot wait ... to go the bar. I don't think I'm alone here. The second I stop lactating, I'm in. I can't wait to have good sex -- once I get clearance, Clarence from my doctor. To stop spontaneously hiccuping loudly in public. To complete my pregnancy bucket list.

No more of you means ... I will finally get to meet my baby, get my body back, like my husband again, go on the elliptical machine, pick up my toddler, and give the finger to other drivers without feeling inappropriate. Although maybe having two kids in the car should stop me from doing that permanently.

Pregnancy, you were one tough relationship. I will never forget what we went through together. Now it's time for you to go be with other women who need you. I promise I won't be jealous ... ever.


Image via Nina Matthews Photography/Flickr

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