The Karma Fairy Doesn't Exclude Pregnant Women

Christie Haskell
10

Have you ever thought, Pregnancy was NOT that bad. Stop whining!? It's something that creeps into your mind when someone complains about pain during pregnancy or wants that coveted pregnancy parking spot. Did you ever get irritated with people who did nothing but complain about the struggles of pregnancy?

Yeah, me too. (If not, just pretend you answered yes, okay?)

Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, you were really lucky and pregnancy is actually tough sometimes? I didn't, so I think the Karma Fairy decided to slap me with a nice reality check in Pregnancy Round 2.

My first pregnancy was a breeze. I was already receiving chiropractic care and massage twice weekly as therapy from a car accident, and that continued through my whole pregnancy. I'd walk a mile to and from those appointments sometimes, too.

I threw up every time I brushed my teeth, so I'd just brush them in the shower, puke, rinse out my mouth, gargle mouthwash, gag, and then lurch it all out. I also once chugged a gallon of apple juice, only to throw it up 20 minutes later. I had a hard time standing still in one place without feeling like I was going to pass out, but that was the extent of my pregnancy struggles.

Oh, add in that I found out I was knocked up at 11 weeks, and Rowan was born at 36-37 weeks, so I only was even aware of my pregnancy for about 5 pregnancy months. I also never felt a single contraction, even during labor and delivery.

I rolled my eyes at women who complained about not having those parking spaces, who went postal on their husbands, who waddled around (I waddled the morning I was already in labor, but that was it), and generally, was a snobby bitch who had no idea what other people went through and considered them rather whiny.

Ooooh boy did I end up getting a reality check. Four weeks pregnant with Aurora, and I already knew I was "With Child" and I already felt it, too. I lived on crackers and bread, mint tea, and lemonade. That was pretty much it. I felt horrible, my boobs ached from a mild breeze, and I lost enough weight to drop a pant size by the end of the first trimester even with the belly growing. My friends who'd had more difficult pregnancies in the past were sympathetic ... to my face. I know behind my back, and sometimes to my face, there was an attitude of "HAH! Suffer and know our pain!" Some friends, you bitches.

Did you know random nosebleeds are common during pregnancy? Me neither, until I woke up and realized my face, hair, pillow, and white down comforter were caked in blood ... and that unfortunately wasn't the only time that happened. By the end of the pregnancy, my daughter's movements made me miserable because the hand movements were cervix punches and the foot movements made me feel nauseated. Walking made me sore because my hips hurt and I'm pretty sure I suffered from hip dysplasia (where they spread and the tendon is stretched and super-sore), and I was an emotional wreck.

We practically lived on TV dinners and other premade foods because the heat of cooking made me nauseated and standing again made me woozy, and one day I decided I was going to cook lasagna because I thought I had all the ingredients. I cooked the noodles, browned the meat, preheated the oven, and then realized I had no pasta sauce. I cried. Then I realized maybe I could make my own sauce, but all the recipes I found took too long and it was already getting late in the evening, so I cried again, into my pillow, ridiculously sobbing about how all I wanted to do was cook for my family and I couldn't even get that right and I was a giant failure and sucked. My husband took that as a cue to wrap up all the food I'd cooked and put it in the fridge, and take Rowan with him to go pick up dinner.

All in all, that pregnancy was nothing like my first. I'd eaten so many words it was a wonder that I wasn't bloated like the Goodyear Blimp from it ... one symptom of pregnancy I'd fortunately missed.

The Karma Fairy has most certainly made her point. If you don't understand why other women struggle more with pregnancy than you do, consider that maybe they just are having a harder pregnancy in general than you ... they're not weaker, whinier, or pathetic. If you bitch too much, the Karma Fairy will likely grant you a lovely visit too, and unlike visits from Aunt Flow, this unwelcome guest lasts for 9-10 very, very long months.

Have you been bitten by the Pregnancy Karma Fairy?

 

Image via dialettica/Flickr


Read More