There comes a time in every pregnant woman's life when she finally has to come out of her happy bubble and tell the rest of the world. A little preparation is in order -- you could be facing ear-piercing happy squeals or a whole lot of nothing.
And with a friend who has been struggling with infertility, it could go either way. With recent news that infertile couples struggle every time they go on to Facebook, this is truly one of the hardest paths for pregnant women to navigate.
The Stir asked Melissa Ford, author of Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options and blogger at Stirrup Queens, for some tips on how to break the news gently.
1. Keep it simple. "The way we say something tells a lot about how much we’re actually paying attention to the other person and communicating with them rather than just speaking at people because we have news and we want to share it, damnit!" Ford says.
2. Don't expect them to be happy for you. "Think not just what you’re doing, but the way that you’re doing it. And to the greater end, why you’re doing it," Ford suggests. "If you’re telling your friend about your pregnancy because people should be kept abreast on major changes happening in your life (a move, a job shift, a baby, a marriage) and good friends will want to celebrate and support you, then go ahead and speak the words.
"But if you’re telling people to generate that happy buzz of people excited for you, well, you may want to take a step back and decide who fits that category (a sibling, parent, best friend) and who may not have it in them to give you back what you need."
3. If you're going to make a mass announcement (a la Facebook), keep the details to a minimum. "Save the gushy commentary for direct emails or spoken conversations (e.g., "at the sonogram, the baby looked like he was waving and it was so cute and then he clonked himself in the nose and I just started crying because I am so overwhelmed with the miracle of life!")," she suggests.
Now that that's done, you can tell your parents and your other friends.
How do you plan to tell your infertile friends?
Image via lovejanine/Flickr
Kim and Kanye's Baby Name Predictions!
Moms Love Birthday Parties, Too!
Father Knows Best - Happy Father's Day!
Are Cheaters Entitled to Privacy? - A...
Comments 3
I've been on both sides of this, and the only thing that really stung was "...and it happened the first month we tried!" .. to be fair to the people who said it, though, no one knew how long we'd been trying or even that we were, but given we'd been at it for over a year at that point, it was like a punch to the stomach. Also, having to hear that someone who was a total bitch to me in HS, or the 23-year-old wife of one of my brother's friends, or whoever, was having a baby was just AWFUL, especially when it was said in a tone that indicated I should be jumping for joy at the news. Thanks, Mom (since it was always her)! On the other hand, pregnant women deserve to be joyful, and it was really hard for me to tell certain friends I knew were struggling. Some good friends had lost a baby at 20 weeks right before I got pregnant with my first. It was so hard to tell them. They were really happy for us and as it turns out all of our kids are very close in age, but it was tough to handle that one sensitively.
When I was pregnant, I was very uneasy about telling my oldest sister. She was 27 and found out at 16 that she had very slim chances of ever conceiving. Besides, my husband, she was the first person I told and I tried to include her in on everything as much as possible. Thankfully, it was never an issue. But now, after trying to conceive again for the past 2 years, everyone around me is pregnant and it's heartbreaking. I just try to look at the positive side and be thankful for my health boy!