'What to Expect When You're Expecting' Movie Scares Us Silly

Jeanne Sager
21

What to Expect When You're ExpectingWord has it this week that What to Expect When You're Expecting will officially be made into a movie. A Halloween-timed announcement couldn't be better. If it's anything like the book, it should fall right into the horror genre.

It's the one book pressed into every pregnant woman's hands the minute she spills a little pee on a stick, and it terrifies the pants off of us.

Now imagine an OB/GYN in full movie theater screen height and surround-sound yelling, "Whatever you do, do not eat that, your baby will come out with three heads!"

I swear, I read that somewhere in there. Somewhere around the 1950s-style look at why every job in America is bad for baby ... so you might as well take your shoes off, put your feet up, and wallow for the next nine months.

And five years after giving birth, I still have guilt pangs remembering how loosely I followed the suggested "diet." No, the grilled cheese sandwiches were not the "best bite for my baby," but with a bad case of hyperemisis gravidarium (aka morning, noon, and night sickness with a few trips to the ER thrown in), it was the only thing I could keep down, thank you very much!

This has always been the book you warn your best friend will turn her into a hypochondriac and then you end up buying it for her anyway. We don't know why it's popular. It just is. And we buy it reflexively. Hence its multimillion-dollar sales and reputation as the "Bible" of pregnancy.

Whether we like it or not. It's there. So why the movie? Isn't watching Katherine Heigl's saccharine takes on motherhood enough to scare us all straight?

Rumor has it Lionsgate was so happy with self-help book turned Jennifer Aniston vehicle He's Just Not That Into You that they're hoping to milk the trend. The script will follow five fictional couples through pregnancy, ostensibly laying out all their flawed plans for parenting so we can pick them apart and yell, "I did it better!"

The only interesting part of the whole process is their pick for screenwriter. Shauna Cross wrote the screenplay for Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, Whip It! (and the book upon which it was based). She's a kick ass roller derbier herself. Not exactly the type to curl up in a ball and cry on the couch when someone tells her the baby inside her could very well have a third thumb growing out of its third nipple.

She might be able to save us from the terror.

Will you be watching?


Image via Amazon


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