I Miss My Period

Annie Krasnow

pregant woman in windowI never thought I'd say this, but I miss my period. It sounds very 7th grade to be day-dreaming about my lady time, but I'm looking forward to bloatation, overeating even though it makes me feel like crap, and rolling my eyes at my husband for not buying tampons.

I want to whine about looking fat in jeans that don't have an elastic waist. I want to complain that I have to exercise. I want to look cute because I'm cute -- not because people can tell that I had sex with my husband 7 months ago. I want this baby out of me already.

I do want to meet the kid, but at this point that's secondary. I really just want my annoying, insecure, stretched marked, cottage cheese-infested body back. I'm so sick of waddling down the street when I walk. I'm over taking 20 Tums a day and being too lazy to wipe the chalky film out of the corners of my mouth after the tenth. (And I wonder why my husband isn't into having sex with me lately.)

I just want my shallow, cute outfit, normal bra-wearing self back. I just think that being pregnant sucks and I'm not afraid to admit it. I know many people love and embrace it. I tried. I also understand what a miracle it is. It's really cool, but it's also just so uncomfortable. This is my second time, so obviously I think it's worth it, I just don't like it all that much.

I envy those who feel like a million bucks when they are with child. I think they are fabulous. I absolutely cannot relate. I feel like I can feel my boobs grow in real time and it grosses me out. My kid kicking in my belly, while satisfying in a way, also makes me feel like there's an alien inside of me. I sometimes think being pregnant is creepy. Creepy like the urban legends about bugs laying eggs inside someone's skin.

I only have 8 weeks left. It's so doable. I'm grateful that I'm able to experience this. I just want to tie my shoes without grunting.

Is the third trimester this tough for anyone else? Am I alone here?


Image via spaceodissey/Flickr

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