As with everything else in pregnancy, sex is completely individualistic. Some women seem to just shut off completely, some stay about where they were, and others ... let’s just say if you suddenly feel like you should be a porn star just to get enough sex, you aren’t alone.
Your husband is in heaven. Paradise. Utopia.
But ... what if he’s not?
What if suddenly you're the one with the teenager’s sex drive and he’s rocking the libido of a 98-year-old heart patient?
It happens a lot, and it sucks. A lot.
I spoke to a couple of moms and a couple of experts to get the lowdown on why pregnant couples aren’t getting down.
There are lots of reasons why your partner might by shying away from sex, despite your best efforts.
- He doesn’t like your belly. This isn’t about him thinking you're fat or unattractive, it’s about the belly itself. Some guys think it’s like having sex with the baby in the bed. Some guys feel (especially if you're carrying a girl) that it’s weirdly close to incest. When the baby kicks in the middle of getting it on? Weirds them out. When you orgasm and your entire belly tightens up? Weirds them out.
- He’s scared. No, seriously. Explain it to them all you want, with charts and graphs and experts, and sometimes your dude is just going to be convinced that he’s going to hurt the baby if you two have sex. And sometimes he’s afraid of hurting you.
- He’s disengaged. Especially if this is your first child, chances are good that he's sooo consumed with his own fears, anxieties, and stresses that sex isn’t even on his radar. Strange, I know, but it does happen.
- He’s clueless. He thinks his semen will send you into labor. He doesn’t know you’re going to have the best orgasm like, EVER, if only he would get over himself. (Or that you’re going to get there, with or without him!) He's just completely in the dark, and if this is the case, he'd better be with you on the next trip to the baby doc.
There are a few ways to approach the problem:
- Have a talk. If you need sex, tell him. Don’t be afraid to express your needs, but be sure to give him time to respond. He might need to ease into it if he’s scared.
- Come on to him. Every guy I've ever known has gotten instantly hot the second you start coming on to him. Don't massage your belly in his face, if he's a little freaked about it, but your new giant boobs and luscious butt? Fair game. Nibble those ears, and don't be afraid to kneel down in front of him and grant him the gift of a fabulous BJ. I bet he'll get over the belly thing.
- Have Sex Lite. If he’s just freaked out, maybe sex “lite” will satisfy both of you -- oral sex and other forms of stimulation can be lots of fun, for both of you! Vibrators and dildos are completely safe during pregnancy so get thee to Babeland.com and find something fun and new.
If all else fails (or you just need more), take matters into your own hands! You don’t need him to operate that vibe, right?
Do you have to bribe your man into having sex with you during pregnancy?
Image via Lili Viera de Carvalho//Flickr