My gay friends invited me to the club this Saturday. It's one of those things that I normally do about five times a year -- I leave the kid at home with my husband, take a cab to West Hollywood, dress in a hot dress, slutty boots, and red lipstick, drink a whole lot of Red Bull and vodka, and pretend I'm not too old to do this.
Now I'm 7 months pregnant and although I'd leave the hot dress, Red Bull, and vodka for my first post-baby outing, I'm considering pulling myself up by the maternity straps, painting on the red lips, squeezing into the hot boots, and dancing my baby bump through an array of Lady Gaga, Madonna, and Usher. I may even admit I like that new Enrique Iglesias song.
I know that my baby bump will be appreciated by the boys in the club. I may even get some belly rubs -- normally something I hate, but in this case it may be fun. My belly would be loved up like in no other situation. I would earn tons of respect from my friends and I'd tire myself out enough that I may have the first good night's sleep in months. BUT -- is it safe? And does it really sound better than staying home and watching a marathon of Project Runway?
There is the issue of sound. A baby's inner ear is fully developed after 22 weeks. It should be safe to listen to loud music on occasion. Then there's the issue of bringing my baby to a bar. Yes, he's unborn, but really. I am bringing him to a place where there's a lot of booze, lots of dancing, and a lot of crazy antics. The kind of crazy that attracts me when I'm not with child. It's the kind of crazy that is contagious and allows you to let loose. I just don't want to let loose so much my baby comes out early.
The real story here, though, is that I really don't want to go. It just won't be the same. I won't be able to jump as hard to the music, no Red Bull is no fun. Also, I'm too old to prove how cool I am. I now want to show off how cool my toddler is. I'm just a lame, pregnant mom who likes to overeat banana bread.
Has anyone gone to the club this late in their pregnancy? Do you feel like I do?
Image via rileyroxx/Flickr