I'm Scared of My Unborn Son's Penis

Annie Krasnow

No penis

When I was pregnant with my daughter, the thought that she had lady parts never crossed my mind. I just daydreamed about the dresses she would wear and couldn't wait to grow her hair long.

Now that I'm pregnant with a boy, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that he has a penis. From his lack of circumcision to future potty training, here's what's poking my brain about the junk in my oven:

  • There's a penis that's a part of my anatomy. It may be temporary, but the thought that an actual penis is technically part of my body right now is freaking me out. I realize this is all natural and part of the miracle of life, but it gives me the creeps.
  • I don't plan to circumcise him and I have no experience in the matter. My husband is circumcised. I dabbled in the uncut somewhere back in my hay day, but that was many years and even more drinks ago. Plus, I wasn't responsible for cleaning them. This element adds a whole new can of worms or worm.
  • Someone once told me that when you potty train a boy, you have to help him aim for the toilet by holding it for him. I realize that I'll have to handle it when I change his diapers and clean him throughout his life. I just never thought about the fact that we'll be shooting for a target.
  • I also heard that little boys can have involuntary erections. Yes, perfectly natural, but boo. A friend once told me that when she was rubbing her son's back -- it grew. I'm happy for him, but no thanks.

I realize that my fears will most likely go away when I meet my bundle (or bulge) or joy. I'm sure that all of these ridiculous fears will FLY out the window. I will have much larger, more important things to worry about -- like his penis getting a girl pregnant!

I'm wondering, am I alone in being an anti-penite?

Image via meddygarnet/Flickr

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