The Only Downside to Having Twins

15

Me at 30 weeks.

The other day when my husband and I were out for a walk with our 8-month-old twins, a man asked us: Twins? We did the nod and smile. Then he said: Congrats! Two in one shot, and one of each! You're done!

We get this a lot. And while my husband happily shakes his head yes, I feel sad. I have two incredible babies, yes. But I have only went through one pregnancy. It was an experience I want to have again.

Realistically I am an old mom -- of advanced maternal age -- and it wasn't easy for me to even get pregnant in the first place. Though for the record, I do not think 36 is too old to have kids. Oops, I'm 37. (Damn, maybe I am that old, I forget how old I am!)

I loved being pregnant even though my husband laughs at this and reminds me how miserable I was for a lot of it. I had all day sickness, hemorrhoids, heartburn, acne and acid reflux worse than normal, very swollen feet, the infamous nose spread, and I gained 58 pounds. But it was still magic. Pure, amazing, motherly magic. There were very beautiful moments, moments where I had never felt more beautiful, and seeing my belly grow and eventually feeling the babies kick and move around made for some of the best times in my life.

I also can't help but feel that maybe I want another shot at pregnancy, and mostly, at birth is because I developed severe preeclampsia coupled with HELLP syndrome, which put our lives in danger. I had an emergency c-section and didn't get to have that miracle vaginal twin birth I so very much wanted. I know this is how my babies had to come into the world, and I am thankful for the fast-thinking nurses who saw that I was feeling dizzy, was abnormally sweating (soaking my hospital gown), and had a fast-rising blood pressure during labor. My liver enzymes were elevated, platelet count was down, and I had to be given drugs to avoid seizure.

Right before the most amazing moment in my life, I was on medication that impaired my ability to emote, to really feel. I needed them, though, and I get that, but I would love another chance. A chance to use all I learned about Hypnobirthing, a chance to feel the baby crowning, feel the baby in my hands and nurse him right after he enters the world, a chance to birth the placenta and not have it taken away in a plastic box for medical evaluation.

Having a third child would also be financially difficult, but I've already made peace with the fact that nothing is going to be financially easy unless Carlos Slim Helu dies and is revealed to be my father, so why fret about it.

And I also feel lucky I had two babies because I have two -- what if I couldn't ever become pregnant again? Believe me, I am beyond grateful for what I have. But the one downside to having twins for your first pregnancy is that it may be your last pregnancy.

Pregnancy, even the roughest parts, is a beautiful time. And aside from these 8 months I've spent with my twins since they arrived, it was the most incredible 8 months of my life. Why wouldn't I want to experience it again? But sadly, I probably won't.

Do you ever feel this way? Do you miss pregnancy when you are not pregnant? Do you take the time to realize how amazing pregnancy is when you are pregnant?


complications, emotions, labor & delivery, motherhood, the pregnant life

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RanaA... RanaAurora

What I would do again is birth.  I don't miss pregnancy anymore but I would love to do birth again the RIGHT way.


No more kids though!

Rosab... Rosabel16

I'd rather not have any more kids after my twins... pregnany is not all that amazing to me, but thats just me :) 

RanaA... RanaAurora

By the way, I think you LIE about your age!  You're gorgeous.  It's impossible you're that old.


Er.  You're not old. Um.


Crap.

laura... laura7485

Aww I tear up everytime I read about how sick you were! I DO miss being pregnant and I think about having another baby, pretty much every day. My husband told me that I could have a third while pregnant with the second, so I didn't appreciate that pregnancy. Now he has changed his mind(he's just scared of having another girl!) Maybe one day, since I'm young, I'll get that last baby and the perfect birth that I feel I still need. Maybe I will change...as long as the baby fever goes away, I will be happy!

KTMOM KTMOM

I was young (19) and had a surprise pregnancy before marriage.  I was made to feel like it was a big shame and so I never got to really enjoy or flaunt my belly or learn to really soak up what all was going on.  I never took or was encouraged to take any photos of my growing belly,  and I didn't have a bunch of people all excited for me,  besides my husband.  There was more fear and uncertainty than anything.  It makes me sad to even say that out loud,  but in saying that,  my son was very much wanted and is very loved and happy now,  ten years later.  I would love to do the pregnancy part over now that I am older,  and actually be able to feel proud and comfortable with being pregnant and to document things and dwell on how awesome it is to carry and birth a human life.

CafeS... CafeSasha

That is one hot mama photo!  I also get the "you must be done"s because we have had the boy and the girl. But we are also thinking about #3.

Peajewel Peajewel

I loved being pregnant and having my kids so far apart in age has made me enjoy every moment of every thing I do with my daughter!  I never thought I would have another child so everything I have experienced with my daughter has been joy!  Like you, there were things that were rough about my pregnancy but I loved it! 

Dana Citron

It took me years and a ton of help to get pregnant and I can honestly say that I would wake up every moment of each successful (I have 2 girls) pregnancy and feel like I had won the lottery. I love my girls and my time with them has been the happiest of my life, but I LOVED being pregnant even though one of the pregnancies was incredibly difficult as well, didn't matter. If I wasn't of 'advanced maternal age' and could more easily get pregnant I would probably do it again, but its not in the cards for us. For us, I've got 2 more than I ever thought I could and there is something really amazing in that.

Cafe Amy Cafe Amy

I had 2 pregnancies and we considered a 3rd because - like you - I really enjoyed being pregnant... knowing there was a life growing inside of me - but we've chosen to stop at 2. With that said, what's really funny is that every single month I am so acutely aware when I am ovulating... almost too much so - like my body is yelling at me - telling me I am primed and ready to go. I sort of hate the reminder now.

NotVe... NotVeryClever

I'm only 26 and didn't have twins but I developed a whole host of health problems after I had my son and had to have some surgeries afterwards. Now I only have one tube, part of an ovary, and an infertility disorder. I'm afraid that when I am financially able to have another child that I won't be able too. I loved being pregnant and I would love to have a vaginal birth. Actually I'd just love to give birth in a US hospital. So I feel you.

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