Why Alicia Keys & Celebrity Moms Just Don't Get It

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Alicia Keys, pregnant with her first child, had this to say about pregnancy the other day:

"To be a mother to a child is the most brilliant gift, it’s gorgeous.”

As a mother of two who are 18 months apart, I will say that I'm grateful every day for my children. They're beautiful and I will never regret bringing them into our lives. That said, I think Keys may be in for a rude awakening.

I am someone who believes in telling the truth, even when it's ugly, and I also think that motherhood -- for all its weight and merit -- is a slog-fest like any other relationship. Sometimes I think pregnant women, especially pregnant celebrities, really don't get it.

I can remember Britney Spears saying some nonsense about never having experienced the most "magical" of all life events (motherhood) back when she was 22 and before she fed her toddler sons Cheetos for breakfast.

The thing is, motherhood is hard. Really, really hard. Does a "gift" have a diaper blowout every few hours, spraying poop all over? Does a "gift" throw a fit because you give it a blue bowl instead of an orange one? Does a "gift" kick and scream so much during a diaper change that it makes it impossible to fasten the straps?

Let's just say, if it did, you would probably return it.

A child isn't a "gift." He or she is a person, a real person whom parents have to care for day in and day out. I'm all for a starry-eyed, happy pregnancy, but I also think those preggos who get googly and cheesy and listen to schmaltzy motherhood music are in for a rude awakening when the baby comes.

Motherhood is great and worthy and probably the most important job I will ever do. But it isn't a "gift."

I say it's more like a job. A job done with love and warmth, but a job nonetheless. One that takes 24/7 availability and pays only in cuddles and kisses. I wouldn't trade it for anything else, but I also don't think it's the same as a spa trip or a new piece of jewelry or a gift certificate to Anthropologie.

Is motherhood a "gift" or do you have another word for it?

 

motherhood, pregnant celebrities

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runne... runner-mom

wow.  Motherhood IS the hardest thing I've ever done, I struggle every day with my two boys. But they ARE the greatest GIFTS I've ever been given.  A gift from God.  A gift that some women want more than anything in the whole wide world, but are never able to receive.  I'll take a diaper blow out any day over NOT being able to have that experience.  And so I agree with Ms. Keys, "To be a mother to a child is the most brilliant gift, it’s gorgeous.” Not a second goes by that I am not thankful for what I've been given in my life.

cafemama cafemama

I've never been starry-eyed about motherhood. I love my children to death, but it's hard work caring for them. Really hard work and many times not rewarding work. It doesn't make us bad moms to admit that.

meter... metermaid

Well, I'm no celebrity, but I remember being so hopeful, optimistic, and in awe of the miracle of life when I was pregnant. And then some killjoy would feel compelled to say, "Oh, just you WAIT!"  Some cranky, generally miserable person would give me a litany of all the dirty work of parenting, all the snotty noses and blow out diapers, all the demands and refusals that I had to look forward to.  I would let them vent, but in my head I felt really sad for them.  How could they only see the inconveniences and miss all the magic? I suspect that these people approach most of life in this way.  Spending their time focused on all the ways that life is not fun and not easy.  What a shame. 


My son is 3 now,  and I am still in awe of being his mommy.  I can see the big picture--when I am old, I will look back at this time as one of the best times of my life.  I see the work I do as his mommy as being an opportunity to love him in every moment, in every way. 


Here is a quote that I have tacked up on my refrigerator:


Any activity or task can be sacred. Rather than acting absentmindedly, stay present to the task at hand, and do it with love.


 

poshkat poshkat

i think children are gifts i totaly agree with you that celebrties have no idea what motherhood is, with the exception of a few like jennifer garner and gwen stephani and a very few select other. britney spears may have said that she thinks her baby is a gift from god but she is also the one who said she is opting for a c-section because she is afraid of the pain that comes with actually birthing her so called gift (not knocking those who had c-sections out of necessity) and she lost custody of her "gifts" when she couldn't even take care of herself. yes children are gifts, but the majority of us moms dont have a nanny to call on in the middle of the night to change our babies diapers, or feed our children in the afternoon becausewe have a celebrity appearance to attend to. celebrates are blind to real motherhood.

KatieP. KatieP.

I don't know. I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old. (17m apart) The only time I feel like it is not a gift is in the morning when I am trying to get myself ready for work and both kids fed, dressed, ready for daycare and out the door by myself. that gets stressful. Other then that, its not hard, sorry, its fun, sure there are diapers and tantrums and all that but mostly I love it and it is a gift. I know it can be hard at times but I always hear soo many people compaining about how hard motherhood is, as if it was ALL hard work, and it just kind of rubs me the wrong way.

KatieP. KatieP.

Don't get me wrong my 2 year old likes to throw the mother of all tantrums in line at subway while some mother with a perfect 2 year old is in line ahead of us and then the baby poops all over the place and the 2 year old won't sleep in his bed anymore and all but I just don't see it as "hard work". I love it. I would say IT IS a gift. I would almost venture to say that the "me"  generation just complains to much........ I will say that celebrities do have it easier in a sense but they miss out on alot by not changing the diapers and having the chance to make the baby laugh by blowing bubbles on its belly while they change them and all the other joys that come with the seeminly hard tasks - like the hugs and cuddles after timeouts, and laughing with your kid as he tries to pick up the mess that he made on the floor, I would not have a nanny if I was offered one. I would have a maid and a chef and a driver if I could LOL

lovem... lovemyhandles88

I don't currently have any kids right now, but I am 6 weeks preggo. I believe that getting pregnant and having a baby is a magical GIFT. I was once having problems and doctors weren't sure if I was ever gonna have kids. So for me to become pregnant and thousands of other ladies that have the same problems with fertility would call getting pregnant a GIFT. It is a gift of life that not everyone can give. I feel blessed to receive that gift like many others. I am going to feel blessed with the temper tantrums and poop diapers because I, not no one else, brought this little one into the world. I know it is a full time job. I know I will have my days were as I am tired, exhausted, and ready to pull my hair but I will always look at my angel with starry eyes.

nonmember avatar nonmember

I agree with Katie P who also commented. Kids are the greatest gifts and it is not hard being a mom - it's fun, fun, fun. I often wonder why women who find the job so taxing that they can do nothing but complain about it have more than one child. It is sad. Sad that these kids are growing up with parents who feel that way. Parenting is not for the selfish or miserable. If you can't find absloute joy in being a parent...wow. Did you think that all of the jobs you mentioned would be fun before you actually had the child? Naive? Children are a gift. A gift that is definitely not deserved by people like this blogger. For you to say that pregnant women don't get it shows that you don't get it. Look at these comments...you are far outnumbered by those of us who deserve the gifts we see as our children. How terrible to be a mother feeling that way. 

CafeS... CafeSasha

I actually find it sad that there is so much judgment. The reason more moms are not open about how much they struggle is because of people who say it is "fun, fun, fun!" I also think there is a huge misconception out there that acknowlwdging that it is hard somehow makes you a bad mom. I love and enjoy my children and am thrilled to have them in our lives. But I am not constantly happy. I am just not. I think when you see the world as black and white and "you must feel this way to be a good mom/person/patriot/Etc" then you actually miss the grey beauty that makes life worthy. My feelings about motherhood are complicated, not easily defined or put into boxes. It is a complex relationship. And I have many, many friends who feel the same way.

nonmember avatar SKL

I'm not sure how you define "gift."  Any possession worth having is going to take some work.  If I gave you a fancy new car, you'd have to maintain it, control it, and keep gas in it and you might even decide to clean it once in a while.  If I gave you the mansion of your dreams, you'd have to make sure it gets cleaned, pay the bills so the water pipes don't freeze, buy a security system, and put some thought into how each room should be decorated.  If I gave you a farm or an island all your own or a yacht - you get the picture.


The gift of a child trumps all of the above.  What's a few poopy diapers in the great scheme of things?  Seriously.  I'm a single working mom of two girls who are 3 months part.  I promise you that I've had some really hard times.  Not kid-in-the-hospital hard, but hard nonetheless.  But I have never for one second failed to see my kids as amazing gifts.


My only qualifier is, sometimes I wonder whether I actually deserved these gifts.


As for clueless celebrities, what first-time-expecting mom isn't clueless?  Seriously.

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