The Pregnant Life: A Craigslist Baby Registry?

Amy Keyishian

Uneven Belly
Is it just me or am I uneven?
It’s idiotic to complain, really. At this point in my last pregnancy (34 weeks!), I wasn’t pregnant anymore, had been schlepping to the hospital every day for half of my eventual six weeks, was seeing Penelope through several infections including meningitis, and was on blood-pressure medication so I wouldn’t have a stroke.

This time? I’m just pregnant. So pregnant that, at my last appointment, my doctor said, “You’re out of the woods, you’re no longer high-risk,” and the antenatal testing took like 20 minutes to confirm my child is the Tasmanian Devil.

So why do I feel so awful?

Is this par for the third-trimester course? Is it my imagination, or is this le suck? I still love feeling Birdie move around inside me -- I think I am coming close to the days when I’ll be able to identify a foot -- but I literally whimper when I roll over in bed, I get dizzy and unfocused at an alarming rate, and I have to pee right after I pee. Meanwhile Randy’s following me around with a bottle of massage oil, waggling his fingers at me because he KNOWS he can fix it with some tips gleaned from the interwebs, and I’m all “I don’t have time to lie down! I have to stomp around looking pissed off and eating stuff!”

And! IKEA no longer carries the little handy-dandy drawer thingy I was going to get! I thought it’d be so cute to have one for P and one for Birdie, and now my plan is thwarted because stupid IKEA doesn’t carry it anymore! Cry cry cry wail stamp flounce collapse.

Ah well. The big news at the moment is that we’re taking a big trip with the kids down to LA. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s sort of our last chance to do anything big with the bigger kids before the littlest shows up. Besides, we’ve never been given a whole WEEK of the summer before, so it’s gotta be a good one. We’re taking the train and staying with my sister and coming back after a mere two days; don’t worry. (I say this to myself as much as to you. I am clenching my jaw like an early-'90s raver over this trip. But let’s face it: Pregnant women have faced bigger hardships than Amtrak.)

And my pal Kathy is planning my baby shower. I know, I know -- baby shower for a second kid, so tacky. But remember, I never had one the first time. The trouble is -- and again, maybe you guys can weigh in on this -- I really want to buy stuff on Craigslist or otherwise used as much as possible. (Not so much the car-seat, but I know I can get a better deal than Amazon will give my friends.) Can I just say that? Is there a way to register on Craigslist? Or am I overthinking this? I feel like I just want to pass the hat. Besides, there’s stuff I need for Penelope, too. Am I allowed to put that on the registry?

I hate these questions of etiquette! This is why I haven’t gotten my list of invites to Kathy yet! And that’s another one -- do I invite everyone from my new-mom group, or is that opening a can of worms wherein we’re all required to go to multiple horror-show baby showers? I haven’t even met them all yet! Should I just ASK them if they want to be invited?

These are decisions that cannot be left up to me. I don’t even know what I want for lunch, other than cupcakes and raw liver. Help me, Internet friends!


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