The way some women talk about pregnancy, you'd think kittens and rainbows are about to shoot out of her va-jay-jay.
It's all "I'm glowing" this and "It's so beautiful" that.
If that's not you, let me pull a little Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias on your fat, stretch-mark-lined ass: If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me!
Or rather, sit by blogger Kat of "I Hate Being Pregnant" and her hilariously detailed and uber-honest look at what pregnancy is like for the rest of us.
Kat, who finally gave birth via c-section to a baby boy earlier this month (and this "kitten" was 9 pounds), has been building a following on Twitter and Facebook with this sort of truth-telling:
1. On the wardrobe: "I don’t want to buy any more huge clothes. And I’m not at all interested in squeezing my swollen self into anything that isn’t comfortable. So who cares if I look like Casper the Colorful Ghost? Sure, I’ll walk around in a bedsheet.
I have no dignity left. (waddle waddle, swish, swish)."
2. On eating for two: "I nibble, I get full. I get hungry again almost immediately. I eat again, I get full, I get hungry. This goes on 24/7. I’m already on my soon-to-be newborn’s feeding schedule, and the little eating machine isn’t even here yet."
3. On the itchy belly. "I caught myself doing the guy-watching-football scratch yesterday. In the midst of an interview for a story I’m working on, my navel and upper belly area started to itch. Immensely. So I scratched it. Not a huge social blunder, right?"
4. On swollen nasal passages. "Now that I’ve had this stuffy nose for months, and I snort and sniffle away like a lifetime cocaine addict, I hardly notice when I do it in public anymore."
5. On stretchmarks. "The nasty purple-red streaks surround my hip area and lower belly look like a bad snakeskin belt circa 1987."
So is Kat telling your story?
Image via I Hate Being Pregnant Facebook