young couple posing for camera

Photo by MarineWifeyy

We met Taryn (MarineWifeyy on CafeMom) when she was 6 weeks pregnant. She'd been planning to share her nine-month experience with us here on The Stir. But she learned she miscarried around the same time her first pregnancy calendar post, in which she talked about how happy she was about the new life inside her, appeared.

Here, she concludes the journey that ended way too soon:

 

"February 23, 2010 was the day before my birthday, and the day I found out I miscarried. I had been having cramps the week before and I was scared, but after a couple days of cramps with no bleeding I felt better.

"The next morning, my 18th birthday. I had pink spotting and I broke down. I woke my fiance up and we both stayed home that day. He didn't want to take me to the ER yet because the spotting was light. As the day progressed, the bleeding got worse and was accompanied by horrible pains in my pelvic area.

"We called my dad to tell him we were going to the hospital. Unfortunately, this was the first he'd heard of the pregnancy. I hadn't told him yet. We were waiting to break the news on my birthday. I hated making this phone call. This was the second time I've miscarried, and he found out the same way both times. This time he said he already knew and he was very supportive.

"When we got to the hospital it took forever to get help. Once inside, they ran a bunch of tests and then the waiting began. My human chorionic gonadotropic (hCG) level (the pregnancy hormone, which is supposed to get higher not lower the further into pregnancy you are) was 130 at six weeks. I knew that was way too low. But they did not consider that a "complete" miscarriage, rather a "threatened" miscarriage and booked me for a follow up the coming week.

"I knew in my heart what was happening, but grasped a false sense of hope to try to keep myself together until I knew for sure. I'd only bled mildly for four days and I never passed a clot, so I really convinced myself that everything was fine.

"When I went for my follow up, they  told me my levels hCG level was at 0. I lost all feeling, went completely numb. I'm still numb, I don't want to feel it. I have blocked myself from feeling these horrible emotions for the second time. I want to get pregnant again, but I'm scared of losing a third baby.

"We're just gonna let nature take its course and whatever happens, happens.

"May my angel babies rest in peace: 6-17-08 and 2-23-10."

Do you ever fully recover from the loss of a miscarriage? How did you feel days, weeks, years afterward?