Dear Carly Fiorina: Using Kids as Anti-Abortion Props Is Just Bad Politics

Carly Fiorina, abortion, kids

Hey, Carly, just wanted to check in and see how it's going out there in Iowa on the campaign trail. You okay? I ask because I saw a report today that you turned a preschool field trip to the Des Moines botanical gardens into an anti-abortion event. That just doesn't seem like very good politics.


I mean, I get it. It's been a long few months, and it's hard for a lady to grab any attention lately, especially now that the Mama Grizzly has come out of hibernation to screech about "ISIS ass!" at those Trump rallies. She's amazing. But herding little kids (I read one of them was only 4!) to a Right to Life rally is just a rookie move.

First of all, in politics, like in Hollywood, there are rules about animals and kids -- can't work with them. They're too unpredictable! They never sit still, and just when you get going, they have to go to the bathroom. I'm not sure why; it's just what happens, and there's no use fighting it.

It's right there in the picture of the event! Look at those little punks crawling all over the floor. No regard.

Plus, those little ingrates don't appreciate the work you're doing on behalf of fetuses everywhere. I mean, it was helpful to have a huge poster of a fetus as a backdrop to show exactly how Planned Parenthood is fake harvesting organs, but those kids don't really even know where babies come from. Next time, maybe you should start the presentation with a little "birds and bees" talk to make sure everyone's on the same page.

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But the worst are those pesky parents who can complicate even the most intricately choreographed political theater. They get all bent out of shape just because you didn't get their permission to plop their babies in front of your abortion speech. Some people are so touchy! They just don't understand that you're trying to "Take Our Country Back," and, in doing so, you might be required to commandeer their children from time to time to sit and listen to a totally age-inappropriate talk about chopping up fetuses. Eye roll, amirite? 

Anyhoo, I should wrap this up, but I wanted to give you a little unsolicited advice. Just leave the kids alone and stick with folks old enough to cast a vote. Bored babies make for terrible pictures.

Good luck on Iowa Caucuses on February 1 -- 'cause, girl, you're gonna need it. 'Kay, bye!


Image via © Charlie Neibergall/AP/Corbis

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